How life goes on
by spooksfan31
Summary: Next scene after the end of series 10
1. Chapter 1

Not sure where this is going. Kind of needing to write this in order to get over last Sunday which has hit me much harder than I had thought it would. Sorry if its rubbish but I kind of needed to do it. Have got a bit more if anyone wants.

He could hear the noise of the helicopter in the distance. Nearer and nearer it sounded as if mocking him. Ruth's lifeless body was tucked up close as his body still shook with the uncontrollable sobs that emanated from his body. Only ten minutes ago he had realised that he had finally won over Ruth's sweet heart. As she had lain dying in his arms she had confirmed that living with him was what she had wanted. Oh how could all this joy be torn from him so soon? And now the helicopter would take her body too. He clasped her tighter to him, trying to savour the memory of the way her body fitted against his. But she is dead he kept saying to himself. This isn't the real Ruth anymore. If he thought he had been angry about life's unfairness in the past, then this was nothing to be compared with. And to continue the unfairness, the helicopter was soon to be landing to take the last remnants of his dreams away. He began to think over the logistics of the funeral. Dear, precious Ruth. Her colleagues on the Grid were all she had. There was no next of kin to be contacted. He had never wanted this for her and in his own inadequate way he had attempted to give her a life filled with love and security. If only he had asked her to marry him at a better time she might have said yes and felt braver in allowing herself to be loved. Poor Ruth. She had never felt worthy of love, of all the precious things he had wanted to give her. And even in her last tragic moments when she had finally found the courage to tell him she wanted a future with him, she had still felt that none of those things were deserved by her.

'It was all deserved by you my darling' he whispered as he pressed his cheek to hers. 'You are loved so much by me Ruth. You were the only one in the world for me. From the moment I set eyes on you I felt my life was somehow complete. You were this beautiful ray of loveliness walking into a world you were too good and sweet to be a part of. I should never have kept you in the post. I should have seen that you deserved so much better and insisted that you take a job elsewhere and in my selfishness I kept you close. I am so so sorry darling'

The helicopter was now landing. If he had more strength he felt he might have gone over and attacked them for being too late to save his girl. But that's not what Ruth would have wanted, he told himself and anyhow he was far too weak with grief to move. He wanted to hold her till she grew cold. With any luck he hoped he might die there too. How could he possibly continue with life? The effort it would take seemed insurmountable.

'Excuse me sir' came one of the medics from the helicopter, placing his hand on Harry's shoulder. 'You need to let her go now'. Harry was cross. Why should he be rushed by the helicopter just because her murder was alive and in need of hospital attention.

He knelt up and looked down at Ruth's pale face. He could see the angry puncture mark from their vain attempts at reviving her. He wished now that they hadn't even tried as she would go to her grave with even more scars.

'Farwell sweetheart' he whispered and kissed her one last time. Those lips were so precious to him. He had longed to be the one who got the kiss them every day. To have permission to kiss them every day. Just minutes ago she had hinted that he had that permission and now all he was left with were her lifeless lips that were unable to respond to all his love.

He moved reluctantly away and let the medics do what they had to do. One carried a body bag with them and Harry realised that he couldn't bear to watch anymore. He turned to face the estuary and tried to begin to feel close to her soul as this was all he was going to be left with for the rest of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

Time seemed to begin to stand still for him. The whirr of the helicopter made thought difficult. He could vaguely make out conversations behind him and when he was sure the two stretchers were safely on board he turned. Dimitri came over.

'I think you should go with her Harry' he shouted over the noise 'She deserves the respect of someone she knows travelling with her and you are the only person she would want.'

Tears sprang afresh in his sore eyes as Harry drew a deep breath at the realisation that he had more to suffer still. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs that it wasn't fair, that he shouldn't have to have any more grief enforced on him when he was facing a life time of it anyway. But Dimitri was right. If the tables had been turned, Ruth wouldn't have been afraid to stay near him till the end, however painful it might have been. The side door of the helicopter was still open and one of the medics was looking out for him as if he fully expected Harry to be joining them. In fact his body language showed considerable annoyance that Harry wasn't being quicker at making up his mind.

Harry hurried his pace as Dimitri walked beside him.

'Ring me when you land and you know more accurately what your timings are going to be and I can send the car round for you' he said.

At times like these, Harry thought, you need people to keep their heads but he felt too that Dimitri was being a little cold about it all. Maybe he has never lost the love of his life he smiled bitterly to himself.

As he swung himself up into the helicopter the medic pulled the slide door shut and almost immediately Harry felt himself taking off. He didn't want to take in his surroundings at all, if he looked at what else was on board the helicopter he feared he might lose all control. His heart hurt so much he almost hoped that he was indeed dying. He buried his head in his hands and attempted to block out the horror of having the help fly the body of his beautiful Ruth back to civilisation where her death would become even more of a reality as death certificates would appear, funerals would be organised. Looking at his watch he wondered how long it would take till they were landing at one of the London hospitals. Not long he reckoned.

He wondered what the crew were thinking of this particular little pick up. So far they hadn't questioned anything; in fact, as far as he was aware they had gone about their work with absolute professionalism. Usually, in cases involving the security services, there was an unwritten 'ask us no questions and we'll tell you no lies'. This eased the burden of sorrow somewhat, Harry thought. At least he wouldn't have to answer any questions. On the downside it also meant that Ruth's death would just be swept under the carpet as if she never existed. At this thought another deluge of tears came. Not that he was expecting comfort from the crew and anyway, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted any comfort from strange men, but he was slightly surprised that no one came to offer any words of sympathy. He was still in no fit state to look over to where they might be. He didn't have the strength to catch sight of the bag and stretcher that now held Ruth. Instead he kept his eyes fixed firmly on the floor of the helicopter and prayed that the next few minutes went by as quickly as possible.

A tap on his shoulder brought him back to reality with a start. One of the medics was crouched down in front of him offering him a headset. He understood enough to know that they were trying to tell him something and that with the noise of the rotas the only way was to speak on the intercom.

He put the head set on. How as a little boy he would have loved to do this. Now as a grown man every movement seemed to hurt and it took all the energy he had just to put the thing in place. Slightly impatiently, the medic flicked a switch on the microphone and Harry could hear the crackle that indicated he was soon to hear the medic's voice sounding loud and clear in his ears.

'We don't usually ask this sir' said the medic 'but my colleague and I are struggling a bit back here and could use a third pair of hands. Not asking you do anything drastic, just hold a drip, you know, that sort of thing'

He could see by the look on Harry's face that helping was not high on his list of things to do. When the call had come in he had been told not ask any questions. However, he had got a sense early on at the scene that emotions were very high. There were clearly good guys and bad guys in this particular mess. When he had first approached the woman he had got the impression that the man with her was a good guy. He was certainly taking the whole thing pretty badly. Now as he looked at Harry's reluctance to help out in a crisis he began to wonder if he had been mistaken.

'Look sir, it is none of my business what has gone on, but a life is at stake here, and my colleague and I need some help.'

'Grow up Harry' He could hear Ruth's dear voice whispering to him 'Don't be a difficult bastard at a time like this Harry, you are above that. Make me proud of you. Go and help them if that's what they need. It is what I would do Harry. Be the man I know you are.'


	3. Chapter 3

'Very well' he sighed 'but I hope you know that boy doesn't deserve any help'

'That isn't my concern at the moment sir' replied the medic and with that Harry heaved himself out of the seat he had been sitting on and stood to follow the medic to where he was needed. Medical equipment littered the floor of the tiny capsule and Harry found himself focusing on anything that didn't look like a body bag. He could keep things together so long as he didn't see his girl shrouded in the cold unforgiving black plastic zipped up as if she was in some way distasteful to the eye. So keen was he to not see where Ruth was he had to be coaxed into his new found job by the medic on the intercom again.

'Sir, if you would please just hold this' and he was passed a bag of clear liquid which he took in his left hand and then 'and keep a hold of these and be ready to pass them to me when I say' added the medic and gave Harry a pair of what looked like scissors. A tiny stool was pushed across to where Harry stood and the medic beckoned him to sit. 'If you're comfy you'll do a better job' he explained with an understanding smile.

Harry gratefully sat down. The jolting ride made standing rather difficult and he was worried he might actually fall onto Sasha. Not that that would be such a bad idea he thought briefly before he heard Ruth say again 'be sensible Harry, it won't change anything; he was only a boy in a mighty weird position. He was bound to do something stupid'

'Something stupid Ruth?' Harry felt intense anger rise in him again 'how can you say that killing you was something stupid? Have you any concept of how I am hurting here Ruth.'

He shook his head in disbelief. She wasn't even cold yet and he was already talking to her, well arguing more like. As busy as they were, he could sense the medics were finding his behaviour a little odd. Straight away his pride began to kick in and he took a deep breath. Keep it together Pearce, he told himself, be strong and good and honourable for her.

With a sleeve he wiped his eyes that were causing increasingly blurred vision on top of the fact he was trying so hard not to focus on anything anyway.

The medic shouted something which he understood to mean the implement he had been given. Obediently he handed it over to the waiting hand. Feeling a little more in control and somewhat curious as to what the medic was doing, Harry looked over to where the action seemed to be taking place. A large gaping side wound appeared to be being made even bigger by the medics as they tried to repair the internal damage and so stem the flow of blood. It seemed they had suddenly had success and indeed the blood flow lessened considerably. They began to clean the area and Harry noticed the torn blue material round it. They must have cut and ripped it open in order to obtain better access. Pads and bandages were being applied now. It wouldn't be long Harry thought before it would all be taken off again when the surgeon took over. These guys, he knew, were solely there to keep someone alive long enough for them to make it to surgery. Even in his untrained medical eye it looked pretty rudimentary if effective. The body was just beginning to move in a way that suggested the anaesthetic was either wearing off or had only been a local one anyway. The arm and hand that Harry had been aware of lying limply on the stretcher now grasped at the air as if a shaft of pain was being felt. Harry began to a feel a huge urge to hold that hand. To in some way comfort it but how could he when that very hand had just stabbed…

He began to analyse what he was seeing. The shape of the arm, the contours of the blue clad body, the delicate hand feeling desperately for some sort of comfort. In a sudden rush of shock and comprehension and love Harry grabbed that dear hand as if his whole life and happiness depended on it.

**Please forgive total lack of medical understanding and general hopelessness. This writing is purely a desperate attempt at convincing myself the ending was different! Actually it's not that desperate, it's kinda working! Sorry to inflict it on you. A review would be lovely and would encourage me to write more if you want it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews! They help and encourage a lot! Sorry for the delay in updating. Xxx**

He let his eyes travel up the body of the person lying in front of him. He hardly dare assume it was going to be Ruth but in those split seconds before his eyes reached the face, he knew if it wasn't Sasha then it could only be Ruth. An oxygen mask was covering her face and one of the medics was clearly monitoring her breathing. She looked every bit as white as before and it seemed almost incredible that she was indeed still clinging to life. The medics could see from Harry's reaction the misapprehension he had been under.

'Landing less than two mins' Harry heard over the intercom. Harry was still holding Ruth's hand but it was suddenly snatched away by one of the medics who put a cannula in to match the one already in her right hand.

'She'll be headed straight for surgery as soon we land. Helps them a bit and her too if she's as ready as she can be. Time isn't on our side' he explained.

They cut further into the blue dress so that access would be easier and enable a chest drain to be put in place. Harry turned away. It somehow seemed wrong to see Ruth's flesh being so exposed at such a time as this. The helicopter began to land just as Harry was going to have a second attempt at taking her hand in his. The medic had finished and already an angry bruise could be seen where the cannula had not been put on cleanly. Not really surprising Harry thought given the jolting of the flight they were having. If his heart had been somewhat lifted of the grief of her death it was now being replaced with the worry of her still being likely to die and having to see her body being more damaged in the attempts being made to save her life.

They touched down and Harry was ignored completely as they rushed the stretcher out and handed Ruth over to the waiting medics on the hospital roof.

'We're losing her' a shout went up from the medic whose soul job had been monitoring her heart beat and breathing. With that they began CPR as the stretcher was wheeled away through double doors and out of sight.

Harry felt paralysed. Where should he be going? What if after all this time he failed to be there by her side to comfort her as she breathed her last. He imagined though that he wouldn't be allowed to be with her right at this moment. If she had any chance at survival she needed experts and proud as he was Harry knew his expertise did not lie in surgery. He was about to sink to his knees in despair when a hand touched his arm.

'If you like to come this way Sir then the surgeon can update you on what is going on.' A male nurse from the hospital was looking at him, beckoning.

He led Harry through the same set of doors that Ruth had just been wheeled, down some flights of stairs and into a waiting area.

'The surgeon who is with her will come out as soon as he can to let you know what's going on. I am sure everything will be fine. The surgeon she's got is one of the best you know. Bit of a maverick of course but then they so often are. Mind you he gets results' and with that he left.

Harry stared at the wall blankly. With the tumult of emotions running though him and no way of acting on any of them he remained that way for many minuets. Eventually he looked at his watch. An hour had slipped by and still no news. Having been almost numb with shock, rising panic began again. He turned to look at the door where the surgeon would enter. But no one came.

The minutes ticked by and with every one of them Harry forced himself to prepare for the worst. He was just about to get up and start pacing when the door swung open.

'Harry Pearce?' the man asked, checking he was speaking to the right person.

Harry nodded.

'Sorry you have had to wait so long Sir. Been a bit of an episode in there. Took ages to bring about any kind of stability. Arrested twice on us but in the last ten minutes we have had a bit of success. The main areas of damage have been sorted out and are holding. It seems it's giving her something to fight with, enough anyway for us to start work on the less vital areas. She'll be another three hours or so but I think we maybe past the worst' seeing the noticeable change in Harry's features he continued. 'In quite a bit of a mess she was. Whatever stabbed her must have been uneven in shape. Given me no end of trouble it has. Still I like a challenge from the usual stabbings. Left lung collapsed on me too but the drain seems to be working.'

'When can I see her?' Harry found it came out in only a whisper.

'Well as I say she and I have another three hours of reconstruction to go through. At the end of that I'll put her in an induced coma for a good while. The internal damage is extensive. It's mended alright but absolute bed rest is vital. She needs to remain still and mending for a good 2 weeks. So see her to talk to… not for a good long while. See her to hold her hand… sometime tonight if all goes well. If I were you I'd get a bite to eat, pop home for a shower, that sort of thing. Not worth bringing any of her things in yet though. She won't need them for ages. She's not exactly going to be a day patient.' He said assuming he was talking to the man whom Ruth lived with.

Harry wasn't worth correcting this mistake. It seemed, however, callus to be leaving her like this to have a rest and freshen up. And then a thought popped into his head.

'Will there be any lasting…'

'Brain damage? Unlikely I think. We'll scan her in the next day or so once things are settling to make sure all is well but I am not expecting any problems. Lucky lady to have been stabbed when I was on duty. I think most other surgeons would have given up on her when she first arrested. Seemed to me though she had rather a lot to fight for and was desperate for me to help with that fight. Well…' he added looking at his watch 'I best be getting back to her. Through those doors there is a reception desk. Give them your number and they can call you if anything changes. For now though I would get yourself ready for a stay in hospital… I am sorry, I am right in thinking she is your partner?'

'Not really, no, but I am all she has at the moment' explained Harry. He didn't really feel like explaining any more, tired as he was and concerned that Ruth have this surgeon back with her as soon as possible. Anyhow trying to explain to a stranger what Ruth and he were to each other would just take far too long.

There was also a part of him that wanted to keep that last conversation he had had with Ruth close to his heart. If she pulled through then that conversation, only a few hours ago, had signalled the start of a happier, less lonely life for him. If she didn't pull though then at least their final conversation had revealed a decision by them both to make a home together. And if she pulled through but decided on waking to change her mind (and he had to admit she had form when it came to that sort of thing) then he at least had known that for a period of time she had wanted him in her life as much as he had wanted her. Yes, no one needed to know of what had passed between them. It was theirs and only theirs and while he lived on this earth then discussion regarding his relationship with Ruth was for him and Ruth and no one else.

'Well I'll see you later Harry' said the surgeon and he returned once more through the swing door.

Harry felt his knees go weak as it dawned on him that Ruth may actually be pulling through this awful nightmare. Energy to do anything left him in waves and he thought desperately what he should do next. Pulling out his mobile he flicked through the numbers and as he passed Malcolm's name he stopped and without thought pressed call.

'Malcolm, its Harry'

'Been better Malcolm. Any chance you could come and pick me up from the hospital?'

'No I am fine thanks, its Ruth though'

'Stabbed and still not out of the woods yet. They've told me to head home and pack a few things for a lengthy stay'

'Thanks so much Malcolm. See you shortly'

And he snapped the phone shut.

**I think I have more to write for this story but not sure if you want it? Let me know! xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

It was an hour or so later when Malcolm arrived to find an emotional and exhausted Harry. There was still no news on Ruth and as Malcolm pointed out…

'Seems no news is good news so let's be about it' He felt very sure that Harry needed a change of scene, a friendly face to talk to and a large whiskey. And Harry's home was the only place that could provide the right setting for all three. He manoeuvred Harry towards the door.

'I am just parked in the car park, it's not far' he said firmly. He could sense that if he wasn't stern with Harry he would simply stop walking and start crying.

Harry was gladdened by the familiarity of Malcolm's presence. He was the only person who knew of the feelings Ruth and he had for each other. When they reached the car and climbed in he felt the relief wash over him finally being in a sort of cocoon, safely away from the world. As hard as it was to leave the building where his Ruth was fighting for her life, common sense told him that he needed to be ready to be there for her and it was looking like weeks rather than hours.

'How bad is she?' asked Malcolm. Better to talk about it he felt and the silence from Harry up until now was not a good sign.

'When the surgeon last spoke to me it seemed that she might make it. At first we thought she was dead.' He corrected himself 'I thought she was dead. I could hardly breathe Malcolm with the awfulness of it'

Malcolm knew not to ask about the situation that had caused Ruth's injuries. Instead he stuck to the usual question he had always asked Harry in recent years.

'And you and she; had the pair of you managed to come to any sort of conclusion about each other?'

Harry looked down into his lap.

As single as Malcolm was he seemed to know a little of relationships. He certainly knew enough to have explained in no uncertain terms to Harry why Ruth had refused him at the funeral. 'you don't ask a question like that at a funeral you idiot and you don't ask it when you're not even going out with the lady in question, however much you may love her and she you' he had chastised.

Harry had not only felt small but also foolish to have thrown away something so precious as the tentative friendship Ruth had begun to offer him after her return. It hadn't helped that Malcolm had pointed out the bleeding obvious. It had rubbed salt into the wounds that Ruth had opened up.

Malcolm had then seen Ruth after the Albany fiasco. He felt there was some definite softening in Ruth. And by that he knew it was softening on herself. Harry's certain death was just what she had needed to force her into realising that what she wanted and needed might also be what she truly deserved. When they had spoken he had detected a certain plan hidden carefully between the sentences she uttered that amounted to a hoped for reunion and second chance. It was clear she had no clue of how to go about it but he was certain that the glances on the Grid had once again returned to the tender exchanges that he had begun to observe all those years ago. He had smiled sometime later at their remembered conversation as he contemplated the elation Harry must be feeling at discovering that Ruth could look at him that way again.

'So?' he asked again.

'Things had just turned a bit of a corner' Harry said and his voice was suddenly full of emotion.

'A good corner then, I take it' Encouraged Malcolm

'Yes' whispered Harry whose voice was becoming chocked with tears. 'Seemed she had begun to see a future with me' he said and it was clear from his tone that it had been the last thing Harry had been expecting. Almost as if he were embarrassed to admit that someone as wonderful as Ruth had wanted him.

'And I hope you welcomed this change of heart?'

'Was a bit overcome to be honest? After Ros' funeral I had resigned myself to having ended any hope of her returning my love. I didn't blame her. Even began to get used to just being friends and never hoping for more. Was fairly content with loving her from a distance. I suppose she had begun to change a bit in recent months but I made a special effort not to read anything into it. I've read things so wrong with her in the past and she has always rejected me in the end. I didn't want to go down that road again. Well then before I could gather myself together to say anything she had been stabbed and as far as I knew she was dying in my arms. Wasn't much time to say anything really. Just that we would have a life together.'

'Well that is the most progress that the two of you have made in the history of humanity. Just a shame it took certain death to get those words said!' Malcolm looked over at Harry. He could see the week smile that failed to hide the worry that Ruth might still not make it. 'She's a fighter old boy; you know it as well as I do. Why you called her a stubborn old mule yourself once didn't you?'

Harry hung his head in shame. 'She told you did she? I should never have said it. It just came tumbling out in the frustration I felt at not being able to have her as my own.'

'You do have a way with the women Harry don't you' laughed Malcolm.

A change of subjected was needed Harry felt so he said 'If you don't mind Malcolm could we drop by Ruth's house on the way to mine. The surgeon said not to bother but I think a few of her things might help her. You know, make the place seem more familiar and reassuring when she wakes up.'

'Good plan Harry. I take it you have a key?' said Malcolm

'I am not head of security for nothing Malcolm' harry replied sarcastically.

He didn't want to sound patronising and say it but Malcolm felt a real lift in Harry's spirits. The chat seemed to be giving him renewed confidence that all might in fact be well. Thinking of the key situation he laughed.

'What is it now, you tiresome man Malcolm' said Harry with real affection for his old friend.

'Couldn't possibly say' was the reply. Inwardly he was laughing at the fact that this man sat next to him was far too much the gentleman. For nine years he had adored this woman and had had a key for her house. How easy it might have been to press home his advantage and kiss Ruth senseless in her kitchen one evening till she could not do without him. If he had suggested this to Harry he knew what the answer would be.

'That simply wouldn't have been cricket Malcolm.'

No Harry, he thought, I suppose it wouldn't. Anyhow Ruth would not have been able to love a man who didn't have the highest standards in gentlemanly behaviour. It's what made Malcolm love the silly pair of them so much. Watching them try to figure things out was certainly more like a five day test match as opposed to the 'wham bam thank you mam' 20 20 game that was becoming all the rage.


	6. Chapter 6

**The chapter after this one may take some time being written as I have a busy weekend – sorry!**

They continued the journey to Harry's in silence. Harry felt his breathing slowly return to normal and his shoulders relax somewhat. Perhaps after all the years of loneliness and missed opportunities there might be a chance at some sort of happiness if only Ruth could just keep hanging on in there. Under all the strain and shock of the day he was still contemplating the fact that the only girl he had ever loved had indicated that she wanted a life with him too. He was amazed at how his confidence was growing.

'Here we are' said Malcolm as he drew up and they both got out and walked up to the front door. Once inside he said

'You go and have a shower and freshen up and I'll knock something together for us to eat. Got eggs?'

'Not sure there is anything actually' Harry replied but couldn't go into the details of his near extradition. 'I am sure there'll be some basics somewhere for you to play with' he added heading up stairs.

Looking in the bathroom mirror he discovered for the first time how much of Ruth's blood was on his face and clothes. His mood having been on the up came down with a bump to reality. She had been stabbed, sustained internal damage including a collapsed lung. In general for most people that was not good news. For all he knew it the very moment that surgeon was about to call him to let him know Ruth hadn't made it through surgery. The panic that he had lived with for most of the day suddenly returned and he could hardly complete the showering process.

At last when he had finished he came down the stairs. Normally the smell of home cooked food would have been delightful but now he feared his nerves would not hold it down.

'Get that down you' said Malcolm, passing a plate of piping hot food. 'Do you good.'

They sat in pretty much near silence as they ate. For Harry it was more a case of picking at his food. He hoped Malcolm wouldn't think he was too rude.

'If you haven't heard anything from them then she's still doing fine' Malcolm offered.

Harry smiled weakly.

With the plates finished Malcolm cleared the table and began to wash up.

'I would get an overnight bag packed Harry. Then we can drop round at Ruth's.'

Harry nodded. He was so grateful for Malcolm. If it was just him on his own it might have taken him hours to complete a task that had actually taken just an hour. And in no time at all they were back in the car and headed for Ruth's little flat.

Harry was still silent as the grave as they drove. His hands were cold with worry and he found if he lifted them off his lap they began to shake.

When they arrived at Ruth's Malcolm hung back and offered to wait in the car. He knew that being amongst her things was going to be overwhelming 'but call me if you need me' he added

Harry unlocked the door of the cold lonely flat and stepped inside. Everything was so still, as if her flat was also holding its breath to see if its mistress pulled through. The washing up from breakfast was standing by the sink, just one plate, one mug, one knife. Harry's heart hurt with longing that one day their breakfast washing up would be in the plural. Some papers lay on the kitchen table that she had obviously been looking at while she had eaten her toast. He flicked through them wondering if really he should, whether she now wanted him in her life enough for that. They were documents about the house she had put the offer in on. The knife wound in his heart seemed to gap open that bit more before he took a deep breath and told himself to get on with it. First there were her favourite teabags. She'd like them he thought, not the filthy stuff they served in hospitals. And then there were some biscuits too. She had always had a stash of hob nobs in the grid kitchen. Wandering in to the lounge he collected a few CD's and films as well as the magazines that looked like they had been recently delivered. Moving on to the bedroom he found a teddy sitting on the bed waiting for her.

'Hello teds' he said, slightly surprise by the fact he was talking to a stuffed animal. 'She's going to be ok you know. She's just had a bit of bad day and will need to be in hospital for a while. But I'll bring her back soon so don't worry. I am just here collecting a few things she might like while she's there. Any ideas?' he asked

Some books sat on the bedside table.

'Was she reading these then old chap?' he continued the questioning almost laughing at himself talking to a teddy and putting the books into a bag. He also collected a few clothes and revelled in the familiar scent that they gave off. Popping into the bathroom he collected the most obvious toiletries that she might need. He was about to leave when he saw Teddy again. It made him pause. Should he take him too? Would she need him? Would it bring her comfort? Perhaps Teddy had brought her the only comfort she had ever had. Well things were going to change.

'Sorry old man' he said 'but I'll manage the job fine by myself. She's not going to need you anymore I hope. Not that you haven't done a good job, you have, but now she seems ready to need me.' Then squeezing the old paw of the bear he faulted 'well alright then, as long as you don't try to usurp my place. If she wants us to live together you and I will have to learn to get along.' Picking up the bear and putting him in the bag to join all the other things he had collected he made his way out to Malcolm.

The journey back to hospital couldn't have gone quick enough. Harry almost wished there had been a phone call even if it was with bad news. At least then he would know where everything stood. As it was he had spent the last hour or so trying to live and plan as if Ruth was virtually recovered. In fact she was very far from recovered. He felt foolish and cross with himself as they drove into the hospital car park for having begun to live a dream that might have already ended in the theatre where Ruth was being operated on.

'Harry I am going to have to drop you here' said Malcolm 'Mum will be wondering where I am but I can drop by tomorrow to see if there is anything I can do. I sorry I can't be more of a support'

Harry's head dropped. He would have to face the walk to the ward where he had last been by himself with no one to see him weep if things had gone wrong. He was back on his own again like he had been for most of his life. Managing on your own. That's what you're good at he told himself as he said to Malcolm that it didn't matter and that he was grateful for all that he had done. But since Ruth's tentative request that they should be together all resources had left him and managing on his own when his one source of comfort (Ruth) was absent seemed impossible. He waved Malcolm goodbye and stood for a few minutes watching the red car lights disappear. It was a cold November night and a few stars were peeking through the sky as he made his way nervously to the hospital entrance. His heart was aching to know how things were and yet nerves were making it difficult to even press the lift button up to where he had last been near to Ruth.

After what seemed like ages he found he was reaching the desk where he had left his mobile number a few hours before. When last at the desk he had looked up on the board and seen R Evershed written there, confirming that she had been currently in theatre. In some ways it had been a reassurance. It had made her more secure in his mind. While her name was up there she lived. But now terror struck him as he approached the nurse sitting behind the desk. Before he had even asked 'what news is there of Miss Evershed?' he could see very clearly that her name had been rubbed out and replaced with another one.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter written. Not as good as I had hoped but here it is anyway! Not sure whether to leave the story here or not?**

The nurse behind the desk looked up blankly.

'I've no idea. I've only just come on shift I am afraid.' She explained, sifting through some papers. It was clear though that she had no idea and wasn't going to be finding the answer anytime soon.

'I'll try and get one of the surgeons out here to talk to you' she said and walked off in the direction of on of the theatres.

Harry was left gapping after her. As had been the case quite often today, his breathing was becoming more laboured with the fear of what the news of Ruth might bring. How could no one know her condition when she was the most important woman in the world to him? He remained there, clutching both their bags, rooted to the spot. It seemed like ages before he turned to see the familiar row of chairs that he had sat in earlier that evening and walked wearily over to them. Looking at his watch, what had seemed like an eternity was only ten minutes. If he had had more energy then the rage inside him at the staff's seemingly careless attitude towards Ruth would have resulted in one of those losses of temper that had given him such a name on the Grid. The shakes were coming on again and he dared to think that he was in some ways suffering just as much as Ruth had done.

A noise from the double doors made him start. Looking up he saw the surgeon from before. He was somewhat relieved. He had liked the chap even if he had been somewhat arrogant. There was no doubt in Harrys mind though that Ruth was safer with him than she would have been with any other surgeon.

'Ah Mr Pearce, sorry to keep you waiting. Been one hell of a hectic night in there. Did one of the nurses not ring you?' he said noticing the look on Harry's face which showed complete ignorance of the situation. 'Well, I am sorry about that. Only excuse is we are understaffed tonight and as soon as Miss Evershed came out of theatre there was another emergency and the team were straight back in. Message can't have got through to ring you.'

There was a long pause as Harry tried to follow what the surgeon was actually saying. Every bit of common sense was screaming that all must be well, but too often had Harry been left heartbroken that he dared not hope too much.

'I've got quarter of an hour spare, let me take you along to where she is now' and he gestured along the corridor towards ICU.

Still there was silence from Harry but the surgeons experience knew that a long emotional day full of shock and worry can easily do that to a person. On top of that it was now the early hours of the morning and the man who clearly cared very deeply for the woman whom he had been operating on looked half dead with tiredness.

In an attempt to ease the worry of this man the surgeon continued

'I think she'll make a full recovery you know. Just needs a lot of rest and care.' And looking across at Harry he noted for the first time the tears that were now falling uncontrolled down his cheeks. Harry stopped and lent against the wall for support.

'I am sorry about this' he choked hardly daring to let his heart start soring with the joy of the news just relayed to him. 'When I arrived at the desk and saw her name wasn't there I didn't know what to think. Well I did actually, I thought the worst. Thought I'd lost her and... .'

But he was interrupted

'If she hadn't made it then there would have been a definite call' the surgeon explained.' I am sorry that with the staff shortages and my thoughtlessness you thought the worst for far longer than you should.' Then looking at Harry he added 'smile, you're girl's done well. Give her a month or two and she'll be well on the mend.' He was encouraged when he saw the hint of a smile on Harry's lips.

'Now I must warn you, she is currently attached to every machine known to the hospital. But this isn't a sign of an unstable condition. Course, she isn't just in here to have an appendix out or anything straight forward like that.' He added as ever unable to resist trying to lighten the mood. 'She's in an induced coma at the moment to help any possible brain damage but she'll remain in one for a few days only. Then we'll see what happens. She'll be in a considerable amount of pain when she comes round so to counter this she'll be heavily sedated and therefore fairly unresponsive until we can make sure the pain management is correct for her. Ah, nurse Blyth' he interrupted. 'This is Ruth Evershed's visitor, Harry Pearce. Could you show him in and make him feel at home?'

Harry noticed that the door by which they were stopped held Ruth' name and before he knew it the surgeon was shaking his hand 'well I 'll be seeing you over the next few days' he said 'try to get a good night's sleep, what's left of it.' And with that he was gone.

He turned to Nurse Blyth whom he had been left with. She was a plump middle aged woman which a comforting face.

'I am so glad someone has turned up for Miss Evershed' she said. 'I hate it when these people arrive with no one to care for the wellbeing. She seemed too small and pale when they first wheeled her down. Had to have a few blood transfusions so I am told. Bit of a miracle she's here at all I believe. Still it's nice to get those miracle stories every now and then. Makes the job worth doing.' Harry was about to ask when he could finally go in and be close to Ruth again but the lady determinedly carried on. 'Now I'll have a z bed brought to the room for you so you can be comfy. The loos are along the corridor and to the left. Vending machine behind you and if there is anything else you need just ask.' She looked down at the bags and saw teddy's head poking out of the top of Ruth's. 'That'll cheer her up no end having her things around when she wakes up. Now when you go in be careful of the all the wires and lines. They will slowly become less, but for now you are just going to have to move around them.' Her keen eye had discerned that whatever this man was to the woman within the room she felt sure he was going to want to hold her hand and be as close as possible. 'Don't forget that her left side is off limits. If you want to sit on the bed then right side only. There is a line in both her hands but it won't hurt her to hold them.' Then she added, feeling that it would matter very much to this man 'she'll most likely to be able to hear you. They say that conversation from a familiar voice is very comforting after a trauma.'

Finally it seemed that she had stopped talking and as she began to walk away she thought about what sort of connection Miss Ruth Evershed had to this Harry Pearce who had turned up. He clearly knew her enough to have brought a bag of her things, but there was no sign of a wedding ring and he hadn't said he was a partner. He'd obviously been with her when the incident had taken place and was evidently still fairly shaken by it. What lovely eyes she thought as she began to organise the z bed. Maybe this was some sort of blossoming romance, older man, younger woman, seemed to make it all the sweeter. Oh well she sighed, I'll get to the bottom of it all before the week is out.

Meanwhile Harry's hand hovered over the door handle. 'Silly man' he told himself 'even if it squeaks it won't wake her.' Relief was breaking over him and he slipped into the room. The lights had been dimmed but he could still see enough of her to know that it was his Ruth. Instinctively he went round to her non injured side and just as the nurse had predicted perched on that side of the bed so as to be as close as he could. He looked down at her.

'Oh Ruth' he half sobbed 'Oh my darling, brave, clever Ruth' and he took her hand in his and began stroking her fingers as much as he could given the cannula that was still there. His tears fell onto the sheets and blankets covering her. Leaning forward as carefully as he could he tenderly kissed her forehead and stroked a few strands of hair away. His heart beat wildly at the chance to touch her like this. He fought down all the fears that she might no longer want him touching her in such a familiar way. She had been known to run from any kind of love and intimacy he had dared show her. 'I thought I'd lost you sweetheart' he continued adoring the fact that these terms of love now seemed so natural to use when talking to her, 'just when it seemed I had finally won you. And I am sorry I was such a defeatist arse on the helicopter and of no support to you whatsoever.' He added smiling.' And there won't be many times that I'll admit I've messed up young lady so don't be getting any ideas.' He kissed her hand and kept it there close to his lips. 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world Ruth, if you still want me to that is' he added. 'Take all the time you need darling, don't rush on my account, just get better. We have all the time in the world now. Thank you so much for wanting there to be an us.'

There was a knock at the door and the nurse came in wheeling the promised bed. Seeing Harry as he was, clearly showed these two weren't mere work colleagues. She unfolded the bed and put some sheets and blankets on before saying 'well I'll leave you to it' and closed the door behind her.

Seeing the bed made Harry long for sleep now that the worry was dissipating fast. He unpacked Ruth's bag of things, telling her about what he had brought. In his heart he kept saying, please still be in love with me when you wake. He worried that this unabated joy would mean he might say something she took offense too and she would remember it when she came round and suddenly he would be back to being her ex-boss again. Well if that did happen he would not waste the time he had by holding back now. Too many years had been spent doing that and it had still brought him heartache. This time he was going to be firm about things. He was going to hang on to the chink of happiness she had offered him earlier today and stand his ground unlike in years past. There were to be no feeble excuses like 'we were never meant to have those things Harry.'

'Ruth we were and are meant to have all those things and more' he said as he returned to her side and placed another kiss on her forehead while his hand caressed the side of her head just as it had done as he held her dying in his arms. How he longed for the breathing tube to be removed so that he could kiss those sweet lips of hers. 'One thing at a time' he chided himself for thinking of taking advantage of her.

Since she wasn't going to be opening her eyes any time soon he got changed in the room and with a final kiss on her cheek he returned to his bed and slipped in between the sheets. He lay on his side for ages just gazing at her, reassured by the rise and fall of her chest and the noise of the machines confirming over and over again that they were going to make it.


	8. Chapter 8

It was late the following morning when he finally awoke. He had the vague impression that people had been in the room from time to time to check on Ruth but they hadn't really disturbed him. In fact he felt very rested indeed. It seemed that her expected recovery and the thought that maybe things were going to turn out right between them had given him the most peaceful sleep in ages. There was also the thrill and comfort in having slept in the same room as her. To have fallen asleep looking at her and woken up being able to look at her.

He dressed quickly and went over to kiss her cheek again. He found one kiss just wasn't enough and he was still kissing her and whispering words of love and encouragement to her when a nurse came in. she coughed slightly, clearly embarrassed to have interrupted so tender a scene.

'The doctor is doing his rounds Sir and will be in shortly. If you like you can go and get some breakfast in the canteen downstairs.' She said.

Breakfast seemed like a jolly sensible idea to Harry and thanking her he left the room in search of food.

An hour later he was back in Ruth's rooms looking over some papers when the surgeon came in.

'Ah, Mr Pearce' he said 'glad I caught you. Just a catch up chat really. All seems to be going fine with Miss Evershed. We'll plan to bring her out of the coma sometime tomorrow.' Harry thrilled at the prospect of her opening her eyes so soon but his joy was quickly checked. 'She's likely to be very groggy and maybe even a little confused as to surroundings and events. She'll also be in some pain and the lung damage will cause some discomfort in breathing. Physically she'll be very sore and feeble. Little things like going to the loo will still be out of the question. The catheter she has now will stay in place for a while. Her stomach muscles are in the process of healing and movement just now would damage all the hard work we have put in over the last 24 hours. All in all she may feel very low about her lot in life so be warned.'

'Understood' replied Harry. His heart broke for Ruth. Having been through so much the worst was almost yet to come. Such physical restrictions and loss of independence was not going to sit easily with her. She would be frustrated beyond belief.

'I have a few jobs that need seeing to, you know the sort of thing, loose ends to tie up. Does it make sense to be away from the hospital today while she still doesn't actually need me?' Harry asked.

Over breakfast he had begun to write a list of the things that needed to be done. Hand in notice with immediate effect was the one at the top of the list. Ruth had asked this of him and he was more than willing to fulfil this wish. Contacting Towers was important. He would need to know the situation. As yet Harry wasn't confident enough in their fledgling relationship to hand in Ruth's notice too but Towers did deserve to know it would be months before Ruth was back if indeed she ever did come back. There were other jobs too that he wanted to do and full day away from the hospital was long enough to make a good start on them. If this was to be the last day when Ruth could manage without him it made sense to grab the opportunity.

'Yep, now's the time to do it' agreed the doctor 'tell me, are you two together or just friends?'

Harry sighed. 'Long story' he said

'The reason I ask is that Miss Evershed is going to need a lot of support to get over both the physical trauma and well as the emotional trauma and to do it successfully she needs a permanent support fixture. Are you that?'

'If she lets me then yes I am' confirmed Harry 'Ruth and I go back a long way and I'll provide whatever she needs me to provide whether it be friendship, relationship or more of a please buzz off Harry'

'if she wants to be out by Christmas she'll need somewhere relatively stair free, someone to do the cooking and cleaning, you know, that sort of thing'

'I'll see what I can sort out' said Harry wondering if proposing again was worth the risk of being turned down again.

The two men chatted for a while longer before Harry collected a few papers from his bag and made his way down to the nearest bus stop.

He returned in the evening and went straight up to her room. He had hated being away from her when she was in such a venerable state but he also knew there may not be a better time to round off things at work without leaving her when she was conscious. Sitting next to her on the bed and taking her hand in his a began to tell her about the day. How he had handed in his notice and that thanks to yesterday's little episode all past sins were forgiven. He was free to leave without a stain on his character, title still intact plus the pension. He was careful not to mention how thrilled he was by this as it meant he could give her lifelong security and a ladyship if she would just say yes. This brought him onto yet another thing he wasn't going to tell her about just yet. That he had been home to pick up the ring he had bought all those months ago before the funeral fiasco. It had sat there in his draw at home, refusing to be taken back to the shop, tormenting him every time he saw it, telling him if had made a better job of asking the question it could now be nestled on her finger for all the world to see. For now though it was tucked safely in his bag awaiting the first opportunity. He also went on to tell her about the visit to Towers.

'I told him the situation darling' oh how he loved to finally call her darling 'and he was very understanding. The position is still open for you if you change your mind about the leaving the service' he tried to make it sound light and casual but inside he couldn't bear the thought that she might change her mind.

'Also picked up Fidget and he's safe with Scarlet at home. My good neighbour is looking out for the pair of them while we are here. Then there were a few other things I had to do and now I am here again, probably boring you to death' and he squeezed her hand and kissed it. 'I do have one more appointment to go to tomorrow morning but I hope you won't mind and think I'd rather not be by your side. The doctors are going to let you come out of the coma sometime tomorrow. I'll make sure I am back by then' and he cupped her cheek in his hand. Would this sort of contact be ok with her once she was awake he wondered. He hoped so much that it would be. It all felt so right and natural to be touching her, loving her, caring for her.

The rest of the evening he sat very close to the bed holding her hand in his while he read papers and completed the Times crossword. 'Would be a lot quicker if you were able to help old girl' he laughed and kissed her hand again.

Much later he kissed her goodnight 'hopefully see you tomorrow sweetheart' he whispered before tucking himself into bed and falling asleep.

With another good night of rest under his belt Harry rose again. 'Got to dash darling for an appointment' he said kissing her forehead and then leaving the room. With no time for breakfast he headed for the car park where he had left his car the previous night.

It was just after lunch that Harry's mobile rang. He reached into his pocket and looking at the screen saw immediately that it was the hospital calling. It hadn't occurred to him that they would need to ring. Well not unless something was very wrong with Ruth. He hardly dare answer it. He was a good hour or so from the hospital. If she was dying and needed him it would be sometime before he could be there for her. Dread swamped him.

'Harry Pearce' he said in a nervous whisper

'Mr Pearce, it's Miss Evershed's surgeon here. Miss Evershed's condition has changed rather rapidly. Seems she doesn't want to hang about in the induced coma any more. We've removed to breathing tube and we are in the process of reducing the medication. You might want to head back sharpish as she may come round at any moment'

'Thanks' breathed harry with relief 'I am on my way now'

He returned the phone to his pocket. His final task was completed but he was a fair distance from where he knew he ought to be and wanted to be. He looked over to where his car was and sighed. This was so typical. 'God, Ruth, your timing' he muttered as he started the engine and began the race to be with her as soon as possible.

**sorry if this is all seeming a bit slow. Will try to post next chapter sometime tomorrow. Thanks muchly for the kind reviews. they do encourage greatly! xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

Ruth's thoughts are in italics btw! Enjoy. Maybe a while before next chapter is up. Sorry.

_She was so nearly there she felt. So nearly and yet still there was something missing. She was sure she hadn't died. Things had in a way seemed so real the last few days, conversations heard or had, she wasn't quite sure. For some reason she felt terribly happy and she knew that Harry was the reason. He had felt so close at times and then just when she felt she was close enough to being a part of it all she would lose the thread of her thinking and all would be black once more. But this time she was sure she was going to make it all the way to surface. Harry would be there and the happiness this brought her overwhelmed her and spurred her on to try harder. And then she found herself analysing what she was trying to reach. Was she actually underwater? The thought panicked her till she reassured herself that she was breathing air. Mind you, now she was concentrating on breathing she began to sense the very real pain in her side. On one level it was a good pain. It seemed to confirm she was nearly there. Nearly where? She found herself listening intently. Silence. If only she could just open her eyes it would help but they just didn't seem to be listening to her instructions. Waves of panic came and went. Was this just some sort of nightmare that she had often had at home that she would just have to get over, shivering alone in her cold bed. But she seemed to think she wasn't alone. Not anymore. But how had that happened? She couldn't really place the how or the where. And where was she now? Oh she had been trying to answer that one only a few minutes ago. Or was it hours? And why was she here again? Or maybe she was just at home in bed and about to wake and put an end to this muddled panic. As if looking up at the surface of the water she felt the light was getting closer. Maybe this was death after all. Why was she in danger of dying? There was no one to ask. She felt she had heard voices some hours or days ago. Well to be precise, his voice. But now try as she might there was no voice. Her hand seemed to think it should be being held but if she concentrated very hard on her fingers she was sure they weren't touching anything but material. Where was he? If she wasn't under all this water she would be screaming for him to hear her. This was a long exhausting battle of going round and round in circles and failing to come up with any answers. And the pain was coming into focus with increasing intensity. It seemed familiar somehow. She felt if she tried really hard she might remember when she had first felt that pain. How it had got into her side in the first place. _

_Suddenly things felt calmer. His voice was there again and her hand was warmed by human touch. She wanted so much to see him. She knew there was so much she had to tell him and yet she couldn't think of single thing. But he would understand. He'd smile sweetly at her and be amused at her eccentric ways._

The journey to the hospital hadn't been as slow as he had dreaded and when he reached her room, he was slightly disappointed she hadn't yet regained consciousness.

'But she's ok' he questioned the doctor

'Oh yes, she's doing fine. It just takes some longer than others. Her body has been healing itself into exhaustion. She's tired out.'

Harry went on in. seeing her with virtually none of the leads and machines she had been attached to the last few days was almost disconcerting. She looked much more comfortable now that the breathing tube had been removed and she was more propped up on the pillows than she had been. Her face did look very pale and drawn but she was clearly breathing by herself.

'You clever girl' he whispered, putting his briefcase down. His heart was bursting with gratitude that she had pulled through. He took his place that he had been taking so often on the bed and looked down at her. Would she still remember that precious conversation they had shared moments before the tragedy? Please God let her remember he thought. Please God don't let her run from me now, my heart won't take it. Instinctively his hand moved to hold hers. He found that whenever their fingers touched like this he would remember the first time their fingers had been entangled on the bus. He didn't think he could ever become bored by the sensation it caused him.

'You're so nearly there darling' he said, noting a slight frustrated movement in her body. She must be about to open her eyes at any minute but after half an hour of watching for a sign of conciseness he found he could bear it no longer. He picked up the evening paper from the floor and began to read an article in an attempt to distract himself. It worked well in that his hand had slipped a few inches from hers and he didn't even notice.

_She'd made it! She blinked her eyes to check it wasn't still part of the dream and no it wasn't. She could see definite structures in the room that told her it was a hospital. Yes, she somehow knew she would wake in a hospital room. Her side ached but not more than she expected. She decided to move a little to see if the pain changed and was a little taken a back when her body announced very clearly that it had taken one hell of a beating and she wasn't going to be moving anywhere. Slight panic that she might be paralysed (although that didn't fit into any of the memories that had been flitting in and out of her head) led her to wiggle her toes and move her fingers. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was more her limbs that her body refused to make the effort for. The more she thought about it the more she felt she had never in her life been more exhausted. She'd been asleep for ages but just the effort of waking up left her wanting to shut her eyes again and sleep some more. For a few minutes they drifted shut till a second wave of energy arrived and she found herself re analysing where she was and what was going on. The good thing this time was that it seemed to take a split second to figure it all out and hadn't left her half as tired. _

_She began to scan the room and in so doing turned her head slightly more to the right. A smile came to her lips. There he was. She knew he was going to be there and this confirmation brought the biggest feeling of joy she had ever experienced. More memories came flooding back, the chief one being that conversation they had had just before… that's right I was stabbed, she thought as another piece of the puzzle slotted in. I'd just asked him to leave the service with me and live in a house with only one bedroom that could be slept in. she felt herself blush as she looked at him, oblivious that he was being watched. Does he think me a right hussy she pondered? It certainly wasn't a proposal that she had made to any man before. However she was determined that if needs be she would ask it of him again. If he said yes, she thought, then she would find herself looking at him like this very often in their life together, him reading intently, blissfully unaware of his surroundings, shirt collar casually unbuttoned. The thought pleased her very much. She felt confident that this was going to be the moment that their lives both changed course and began travelling together. In a sudden wave of panic at the prospect of this new beginning she took another few moments just to look at him as she had so often done in years past. The many times when he hadn't been aware that she was watching, slowly falling in love with him. What had made it all the more wonderful was that he had had so little idea that she was falling in love with had been such a lonely life the two of them had led, not daring to believe they were lovable by the one person they loved the most. This loneliness had almost become a habit that though unpleasant, was in some strange way a comfort. As soon as he discovered her return to consciousness that lonely routine would be history and her life would be there to be shared. She both longed for this and feared it in equal measure. Was it quite right for her to be so happy? Before Albany she felt that happiness was for others. Now was different. Albany had stripped her of the walls she had put up. While Harry had been suspended she had begun painstakingly rebuilding the walls and was rather pleased with herself when they were completed just in time for his return to the grid. The only shock had been that somehow, and she didn't mind how, Harry had sneaked in during the rebuilding. He was now so much a part of her that she could only surrender herself to his love and the happiness that it would bring. She took more a proverbial deep breath than a real deep breath, as breathing wasn't that much fun at present, and spoke that dear name she had loved for so long._

'_Harry' _

_But to her shock he didn't stir and in a moment she realised her throat wasn't that keen on working either. If it had been working better then Harry would have hard her laugh at herself and the fact that there seemed very little she could do by herself. She remembered her fingers hadn't given up working and following the line of her arm down to them she noted they were agonisingly close to Harry's. Just a little effort and…contact! _


	10. Chapter 10

The human touch brought him back from his crossword immediately. His eyes met hers in a nervous smile. It was clear to her he wasn't entirely sure he should be there and yet there was definite elation on his face that she was awake.

'Harry' she tried again but hardly a crock came out and she felt herself near chocking with the effort of it. He quickly reached forward to her bedside table where he had a drink standing ready as his own past experience told him that her throat would be dry and uncomfortable. As he lifted it down he edged closer up the bed towards her and arranging the straw into a position where she wouldn't need to move at all he brought it to her lips. She kept her eyes firmly locked on his, totally trusting herself to his care. Both his hands were occupied with the drink and straw and she felt lost without his touch so summoning up all the energy she had she brought one of her hands up to his and held it there, stroking gentle circles over his knuckles. She continued to gaze into his eyes while she drank trying with all her heart to relay to him that he was all she wanted in life now. Everything else was as nothing. He seemed so nervous, so lacking in the confidence he had once had that had enabled him to ask her out on that one date. She wanted to somehow reassure him that she would never refuse him again. That he had all the right in the world to be there. That she would never again run from his love and affection. He almost seemed embarrassed by the intensity of her gaze and at moments didn't know where to look. Having his hand touched by her was exquisite. Her human touch had been so lacking in his lonely life that he was careful not to enjoy it too much should she then turn her back on him again.

The drink was wonderful. The cold smooth liquid cascading down her throat was bringing even more life into her. When she finished he replaced it on the bedside table.

'Thank you' she whispered and this time her voice didn't falter. His hands being free again, she determinedly took them in her own again. He was about to reach forward, spurred on by her signals, and cup her cheek in his hand but at that moment there was a knock at the door and the doctor came in.

'Ah, you're back with us Miss Evershed' he announced.

Harry stood, partly knowing the Doctor would want access to Ruth and partly out of embarrassment that he had probably been on his way to eventually kissing her. And if he had, he felt sure that that kiss would have been followed by others. His emotions were all over the place. All he wanted was to be with her, undisturbed.

A trainee doctor had come in too and between the two of them they were doing some checks and asking questions of Ruth. He knew this must be the case but having other men close to her was not the greatest sight.

'How are the pain levels Ruth?' the doctor asked.

'Not too bad as long as I don't move' Ruth replied. 'I only seem to be able to take small breaths too. Is that all normal?' she asked

'It is I am afraid. You are on your way to making a full recovery though so nothing to panic about. Now I can alter the medication you're on to bring that pain under control.' He added

'what sort of medication would that be?' asked Ruth, nervous that any more might make her even more sleepy and less able to talk to Harry.

'Well you are on a low level morphine but I can up it a bit if you like' explained the doctor.

'I'd rather not' she replied 'I don't like the thought of becoming morphine dependent'

Harry was about to chip in and suggest that her being comfortable also had its worthiness but a look from Ruth quietened him. This was her pain and her recovery and she was going to do things her way. He was anxious about the pain she was in but at the same time the fighting Ruth was already in action once again.

'Now I must stress that really any body movement is off limits Miss Evershed' continued the doctor 'so I will be leaving that catheter in for another few days I am afraid'

Ruth sighed. This was a battle she was far from winning. 'You don't need to worry doctor 'she said 'my body feeling likes it's been hit by a truck. I've never felt so weak in all my life. Only my arms and toes seem prepared to move'

'Well that's a good thing for the time being' he replied 'now is there anything else I can get you both?' he asked looking between Harry and Ruth. Both their looks said loud and clear 'just some peace and quiet'

Sensing that his presence, though well meaning, was now unwanted he turned to go. 'Keep resting Miss Evershed. You'll be back on your feet quicker the more you sleep and rest that body of yours. It's a bit of a miracle you're with us at all so don't waste your good fortune by trying to be brave and speed up the healing process. I know you've been out of it for a while but it's late and there is no reason you shouldn't be heading back to sleep. I always have sedatives I can put in that drip of yours if you don't comply' he added, winking at her and with that he left the room.

Harry turned to Ruth. 'He's right you know Ruth. I am not going to let you rush anything.'

For once in her life she didn't argue with Harry for telling her how things were going to be. She had the foresight to see that he had been the one with all the worry these last few days. Which made her wonder…?

'How long since I was stabbed Harry?' she asked and he was glad that she remembered so much but hated what she had to remember. It must be such a frightening memory.

'a few days' he replied, not really wanting to re visit the emotions he had been through and to try and show he didn't like the direction of the conversation he began tidying up a few of things that were scattered around the fold up bed he had been using. It was at this point that Ruth noticed it and the dawning on her that Harry appeared to have been sharing a room with her became rather a thrill.

'How bad was it?' she then asked, slightly more tenderly, aware now that Harry wasn't too keen to go over such things.

He stopped his false tidying and turned to look at her and she could see his eyes were pricked with tears. 'It was pretty desperate from the start' he began. 'I thought I had lost you before the helicopter was even there' and he wiped a hand over his face to try and bring some control to the moment.

'come here,' she said kindly and tapped the side of her bed and he obediently walked back to where he had been before the doctor had arrived and sat down, his shy eyes still reluctant to meet hers. She took his hands again and he struggled to control his breathing such was the reaction her touch brought to him.

'Tell me Harry' she pleaded

'It wasn't till we had nearly landed at the hospital that I realised that the medics were still working on you. Unbeknown to me you had managed to hang on to some vestige of life. Enough anyway for them to work with. 'He looked up at her and he saw that the tears in his eyes were now mirrored in hers. It was hitting her now the gravity of what she had been through. 'It was touch and go in theatre but a few hours later I was told that you had turned a corner. Since then, overall things have been getting better. Not that I haven't had moments of panic. But I'd sooner let the memories fade Ruth, now that you're back and going to be ok.'

'I am sorry for asking but I am glad you told me. I won't ask again I promise' she added and they both found themselves drinking each other in. for a long moment nothing was said. They were half expecting an interruption of some kind. It had always happened in the past. But as each thought on the matter there may be very little interruption ever again to constantly halt their fledgling romance.

'You look tired' he said eventually having seen her eyes growing noticeably heavy. He would love to have kissed her but his confidence was growing that if not now there would be another time and probably very soon when he could kiss her. Her recovery was of the utmost importance to him. None of the plans he had begun to put into place during the last few days would count for anything if she didn't recover. 'I'll pop down the corridor and get ready for bed' he began, leaving her side and collecting his wash bag before she could protest about his departure.

She lay there, pondering things while she waited. She was slightly cross with him that he was right in his assertion that she was tired. With every minute her body was becoming more demanding to have her eyes shut. But her heart desperately wanted a kiss. After all, if she hadn't been stabbed, she was fairly confident she would have been kissed many times by now. Surely he hadn't forgotten her request, her suggestion of spending their lives together. Surely it was something he still wanted as much as he used to. She clung onto consciousness for all she was worth in order to confront him with this on his return.

But try as she might, her eyes did drift shut. Harry returned and dimmed the lights. The corridors were quiet now and rain was lashing against the window in a typical cold November way. He looked over to Ruth peacefully sleeping and smiled. He was glad she was resting however much he delighted in having her awake. He decided to move his bed a little closer to hers and was in the process of doing this when one of the legs screeched noisily across the floor and she stirred into life again. He looked up 'sorry Ruth'

She smiled sleepily at him. 'It's fine' she assured him and then becoming a little more aware 'I wanted to stay awake till you came back. I was hoping I might get a good night kiss.' The words were out of her mouth before she had time to stop herself. She wasn't used to such confidence when speaking to him thus. He stood up straight and smiled at her. There were no obvious words that came to him so he made his way back over to her and sat just as he had before. Propped up on the pillows, looking longingly at him was melting his heart. He could see that she wanted her kiss like nothing else but was also a little embarrassed to have asked or rather demanded in such an unruthlike way. She almost looked ashamed so to lighten the moment he said.

'And where would you like this kiss Miss Evershed?' his eyes twinkling 'here?' and he leant forward to kiss her cheek, and as he drew back 'like a friend might kiss you goodnight? Or would you prefer a lover's kiss here?' and moving across slightly and ever so tenderly captured her waiting lips in his. It was a brief kiss as he drew back again to await the answer. All the while their fingers were so tightly entwined neither knew where one hand ended and the other started.

Brief it may have been but this kiss had the effect on Ruth of rendering her speechless so she slowly lifted her hand up and pointed to her lips to indicate the answer.

His smile lit up the room as he said 'I tend to agree with you' and achingly slowly he bent down again and they held each other's gaze, both very aware that this was the beginning of the rest of their lives. That this wasn't going to be a farewell kiss with no hope of future ones like previous times. They were both smiling by the time their lips met again and they remained like this for many minutes, learning the shape of each other's lips. His hand drifted to her waist and she loved how it felt having him not only touch her like this but for the touch to last. Having herself, been holding his hands she now let go and let her own drift up his arms and then snack round his neck and occasionally run through his hair.

Eventually they drew apart, not for any other reason other than to start saying the things so long unsaid. As he drew back he watched her lowered eyes slowly drift open. He reached to cup her face in his hand and breathed the simple words 'I love you Ruth' that had wanted to have been said for so long. 'You may have already guessed this Harry' she replied pulling him back down to her 'but the feeling is mutual' and she kissed him again. And again, for the next ten minutes they were very much occupied.

**Sorry for the massive long delay in getting this written and up. Reviews would be lovely and inspire me to write more! xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**A bit long and really not very good I am afraid. Just didn't seem to be able to get the words out the way they were in my head. Sorry x**

Eventually, sensing how tired she must be, Harry drew back.

'Darling it really is time for you to be getting some sleep. As much as I would love to spend the whole night kissing you, you need rest. I promise we can carry on where we left off tomorrow'

She smiled and was content to let him win this one. Being addressed as 'darling' for the first time was more than enough to forgive him. She reluctantly let go of his hands as he placed one more kiss on her lips before returning to his bed. She managed to turn her head so that she could see him as he climbed into the bed.

'I love you' she whispered and not long after, her eyes won the battle and shut themselves. Harry remained awake longer, lying on his side watching her sleeping form. He found impossible to keep the smile from his lips at the memory of the last half an hour. He had kissed her. And not for the last time but for the first. She had kissed him back and the way her hands felt as she tentatively explored his arms and back had been exquisite. He couldn't remember when he had last felt so loved. Indeed he wasn't sure he ever had.

The next morning she woke with the sun streaming in through a gap in the curtains. Overall she felt a little less tired and exhausted although she was sensible of the fact that stab wounds take a long time to recover from and she should try to remain calm over the fact her body seemed so listless. Her lips still felt very kissed and the memory of what had happened last night thrilled her. She looked over at Harry, but he wasn't there. As she lay there trying not to panic about his absence she began to hear his voice out in the corridor. Try as she might she couldn't quite make out what he was speaking about but it appeared to be a phone conversation. Eventually he came back in and was clearly pleased to see her awake. This time he didn't need any invitation to come over and give her a good morning kiss.

'How are you feeling?' he asked tenderly

'Certainly no worse' she stated 'I am going to need so much patience Harry' she added slightly tearful. 'I can't bear being so helpless. I am not used to my body refusing to do anything. And whenever I try to move a bit the pain just stops me in my tracks. I am sorry if I am beastly to you about it'

'Don't be Ruth. It's fine.' And he leaned down and kissed her again for a good few minutes. He wasn't sure he could ever tire of this. Having waited so long for this kind of intimacy with her he found himself savouring every moment, every touch as if fearful the dream may end.

Eventually he said 'Look that phone call just now. I need to pop out for a few hours for an appointment. Do you mind if I desert you?'

She wanted to ask what the appointment was. After all if this was now a proper relationship she felt she had a right to know but a look from Harry clearly said please don't ask me any questions.

'It's fine Harry' she said trying to cover the lie as best she could with a look that seemed genuine.

'Thanks' he said briefly, kissing her on the cheek, before collecting some papers and disappearing out of her room rather quickly. She lay there for some minutes trying to process her feelings and memories. She wasn't quite sure why but all she wanted to do was cry. What wasn't he telling her? Why did she feel he ought to be telling her? Oh, that's right; I don't work for him anymore. She remembered. Who did she work for? What was his name? Oh that's right, Towers. Vague panic now entered into the mix up of emotions as she wondered if the Towers knew she wasn't able to come in. waves of helplessness swept over her once again and she found herself crying so hard that she could bear the pain no longer from her side and rang the bell for the nurse.

'Hey, what's wrong Ruth' said the nurse kindly as she came in. she helped Ruth wipe her eyes and carefully propped her up into a more comfortable position.

'Sorry' said Ruth apologetically

'No need to my dear' the nurse replied. 'After all you've been through a few tears are more than allowed.'

'Not even sure why I am crying' Ruth sobbed 'I am alive and I have been kissed by the most wonderful man on earth.'

'Where is he now?' asked the nurse, noting Harry's absence

'Not sure really, he said he had to go out for a while' sniffed Ruth. 'I can't seem to tell what is real with him and what is the life with him that I had begun to plan in my head. And I am also not sure if there were things he said to me while I was in the coma that are also getting confused with it all. I am not I am making any sense at all' she added

'Not really' said the nurse smiling. 'But I've got some time so you can have another go if you like'

'I've been in love with Harry for 9 years. He's my boss. Well he was until a few weeks ago. Well nothing has really ever happened between us except for a few times when I got the panics and ran. Before last night we had only kissed twice! I seem to feel there is some sort of plan that we both leave our jobs together to begin a new life. It seems such a strong feeling that Harry getting a work call this morning and acting on it suddenly feels like he has let me down terribly. But I have no definite recollection of him saying that he would leave his job. The fact that I have a job waiting for me keeps making me panic. I just want to be with Harry in our own house with no other obligation other than to each other. Last night when we were kissing it seemed as if it confirmed the ideas in my head. But this morning it feels like everything is slipping away.'

'Well I think Harry is the one to ask' said the nurse.' I don't think you need to worry too much. After all you've been through your memories are very likely a little muddled. Harry brought in your mobile and its here by your bed. Would you like it? It has a few missed calls on it.' She passed it to Ruth 'Now as much as I would love to stay I really must be going' and she left Ruth holding the phone.

She flicked through the missed calls and was initially a little confused by the estate agent entry. But after a few moments it came flooding back. The little cottage in Suffolk. The offer she had made. The fact her own little flat was on the point of going on the market.

She decided to return the call. But it was bad news. The cottage was off the market. Sold to another bidder who had been very keen to acquire the property. Since she had been out of contact they had assumed she had changed her mind and the people selling had decided to accept the other offer. It was a cash byer and therefore there was little point in her getting her hopes up of it all falling through. However they had many other similar properties. Did she want to book some viewings?

'No' she said sadly 'not for the moment.' And the call ended. She felt so deflated despite the fact that she knew she ought to be ecstatic after the developments that occurred between her and Harry. She couldn't quite remember if Harry had been aware of her house plans. It seemed that he was aware but only just. Whatever was going on with Harry's life she was determined to go ahead with her plans. She was going to leave her job, sell the flat and try to find another house that would speak to her as much as the other one she had just lost. With that in mind she rang the London agents and confirmed with them that she did indeed want her property on the market.

She lay there after the call and wondered if she hadn't just been incredibly rash. What if this wasn't a proper relationship with Harry? What if he didn't want her living with him? She might leave the hospital homeless. She was too tired to repair any damage she might have just caused and sleep overtook her, giving her a rest from all the muddle worries tumbling round her head.

A few hours later she was woken by Harry's return.

He was sat by her side, gazing at her.

'Hello darling' he said as her eyes drifted open. A huge smile greeted him as she took him in. she felt for his hands 'I missed you Harry'

'I am so sorry to have dashed off like that' he said leaning down to kiss her neck 'but it was important.'

'Too important to tell me?' she asked gently 'was it work?' she added

'It wasn't work' he said in between kisses.' I've handed in my resignation. Did so a few days ago. Just like you asked!'

'Did I?' she asked, gently pushing him away so she could look at his face. I am afraid I've had a morning of not quite remembering and getting into a fearful panic as a result.'

'I am sorry to have left you' he replied stroking her cheek 'you had suggested we leave the service together just before… before.' He stopped. He didn't want to relive that moment for anything.

'I think I vaguely remember' she said 'but spending the rest of my life with you had been a desire for so many weeks before that that I can't work out what is reality and what is just wishful thinking' she smiled at him as she saw she was making him smile too.

'Oh Ruth, how I do love you and your ways'

'You don't have to stop working just for me you know' she said

'yes I do' he replied firmly 'for so many years I have wanted nothing more than to have you in my life. I think you are absolutely right in thinking we can only make it work if neither of are anywhere near MI5'

'I am glad you said that' she said 'I fear I may be rather a jealous woman when it comes to sharing you with anyone or anything. You would not believe how Elena appearing helped to make me realise how much I wanted you' she smiled slightly guilty, having to admit to jealously. However, Harry seemed to like the fact she was.

'Ruth you don't have anything to be jealous of. For the last 9 years there has only been one person here' and he held her hand over his heart. 'And that person is you.'

'Have I handed in my notice?' she asked feeling silly not knowing.

'No you haven't. I won't mind if you don't want to sweetheart. But if you do I don't mind sorting it out for you. Towers already knows you wouldn't be returning for a while anyway.'

' Yes please Harry, tell him I am not coming back, that I have a much better option sitting right here with me now'

There was silence as the two of them gazed at each other before Harry could resist no longer and began kissing her again.

Eventually they broke apart.

'So it wasn't a work call then? She asked remembering she still hadn't got to the bottom of what he had been up to.

'Nope, not work' he replied 'but please don't ask me Ruth. Just trust me on this one?' he added, begging her to understand.

'I suppose I have little option' she sighed

'Been making calls of your own?' he asked thankful that seeing the phone lying on the bed was giving him a genuine change of subject.

'oh yes that' she said heavily.' I discovered I lost the house I had put an offer in on. Because they couldn't get hold of me they accepted another offer.'

'Oh bad luck darling' said Harry kindly but before he could say anything more she continued

'Was then a bit rash and confirmed with the agent to put my flat on the market. I was planning to do it and they had come round and taken all the pictures and were just awaiting my confirmation.'

Harry's eyes grew. 'Well you have been busy!'

'If the flat sells may I come and live with you?' she asked shyly. She couldn't quite remember if she had made it clear to harry that living with him had all been part of the plan, how she had decided to turn the little bedroom of that dream house into an office for him. Harry in turn wasn't sure if she remembered having told him and how he had assured her that that was indeed what they would do.

'You don't need to ask Ruth. You would not believe how lovely it would be to have you living in my house. 'He said 'what about you Suffolk plans?'

'I think I need to get well first' she said, 'besides I had my heart so set on that place that I don't feel like looking for another just yet'

For Harry things were still a little unclear as to what the living arrangements were and whether any future Suffolk plans included him. If they didn't then he wasn't too keen to have her to live with him if he then had to bid her farewell on her recovery. There was only one solution. There was a worry in the back of his mind that he might indeed be rushing things but then again he was a hot headed male and following his heart was something that just had to be done.

'Ruth' he said gently 'in amongst all these plans you have could I slip another one?'

She didn't reply but just looked at him waiting for him to continue.

He took hold of her hands again and holding her gaze he said 'please could we find space for marriage amongst these plans?'

**Not sure if there is enough of story line to continue with this?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hope you like, bit short and not very well put together. Just seem to be so busy with real life at the moment. Will keep plodding on with it though if everyone likes?**

She sat there, propped up on the pillows for what to Harry seemed like ages. He began to see flashbacks of her refusal in the graveyard. Please God don't have her say no again, he begged.

Ruth's eyes were filling with tears.

'I am sorry Darling, I should have waited. I can't believe I can be so thoughtless sometimes. Just pretend I never said it.' Said Harry hastily fearing the damage done might be irreparable.

She lifted her arms and held them out asking to be hugged. He willingly lent down and took her in his arms and held her as close as he could given her injuries. She immediately started crying into his neck

'I never expected you to ask again.' She sobbed 'you had every right never to ask again after the way I tried making excuses for myself and telling you we could only be friends. If you only knew how I have come to regret those words Harry. 'She stopped and held onto him just a bit tighter and Harry began to feel a little more hopeful.

'I am sorry this isn't a more romantic place to have asked such an important question' harry began 'I am afraid I am terribly old fashioned darling about wanting us to be married' he said into her hair in amongst kisses. 'Please forgive this old fool who loves you to distraction?'

She held onto him tighter still which Harry took as a 'yes, I forgive you' so he continued 'you are my very soul Ruth. All that I have I want to share with you. I want, to the best of my ability to protect you. I want to share my bed with you and my house, well our house. For the world to regard you as belonging to me as much as I to you. My title has meant nothing to me so far but I so dearly wish to be able to let you share in it. I have been your boss for all these years but I want us to be equals in marriage. I want us to wear our rings as an outward sign of our union. I want it all Ruth. Not just the second best of living with someone. I want it to be binding, in the eyes of God and the law of the land.' He stopped there, afraid he may have said too much.

'Yes' she whispered 'a thousand times yes'

Harry pulled back a little so as to look at her properly to gauge her seriousness.

'You mean it?' he asked, hardly daring to believe. She nodded, emotions making it difficult to speak 'and you won't change your mind?'

'No Harry, I won't be changing my mind. This is for keeps' she said

She was hoping he was going to follow up with a kiss but instead he said

'Hang on there a minute' and dashed over to his suitcase and began rummaging around in it. He quickly found what he was looking for and returned to her side.

Holding a little blue velvet box he began. 'I bought this just before… the time I fouled up utterly. It seemed so perfect. The diamond isn't very big I know but it has the highest clarity rating. I felt it reflected you. Not showy or ostentatious but when examined closely has the clearest heart and morals of anyone in the world. You are so untainted by the vices of this world Ruth. I know you wouldn't want a huge ring. You'd refuse to wear it. But I took a chance that you might wear this one so that anyone who thinks they might try their luck will see you are off limits' he finished smiling and saw she was too as she looked at it.

'I don't think I have ever seen a ring more beautiful' she said 'and I don't mind showing the world I am yours. In fact I rather want to!'

Harry was still a bit worried. 'I was afraid you might not want it because it had been in my pocket the first time I asked. I could not bear to return it. I felt so defeated at my ineptitude at winning you for my own. But I can exchange it for a fresh one if you'd rather.'

She took it out of the box and kissed it. 'it's perfect and the fact that it had a false start makes it all the more appropriate.'

He laughed, 'yes we've had our fair share of those haven't we' he said looking deeply into her eyes.

She gave the ring back to him. 'Put it on Harry, please'

He took it in his hands and then taking her left hand carefully guided it into place. They looked at it for a while not saying anything until he drew her hand to his lips and kissed the ring tenderly.

'I am not sure I knew it was possible to be this happy' he said after a while. 'I sort of knew that if I could just get things to work with you then I would be happy. But this… well this is far more than I ever imagined.'

'I am sorry Harry for having run away from this so often. I am not sure what I was so frightened of.' Said Ruth sadly, thinking of all the wasted time she had spent not allowing him to love her.

'Don't worry darling' he replied reassuringly 'we're here now' and he stroked her cheek gently. He could see she was tiring quickly so he added 'I think I should be letting you get some much needed sleep'

'I wish it wasn't the case' she said frustrated 'all I ever seem to do at the moment is either sleep or lie here needing sleep and really all I want is to be kissing you!'

'We have a life time of kisses Ruth, rest assured of that. I know it's grim as hell being so helpless but you will make much better progress by resting. If it's any consolation I rather want to be kissing you endlessly too. I ve developed rather a passion for it' he added and began kissing her again. She responded so ardently that they continued for some while.

Eventually he said 'good night Miss Evershed' and kissed her on the forehead

'Not for much longer Harry' she replied sleepily and held on tight to his hand, reluctant to let him go, even a few meters away. Eventually she did and added 'I love you darling' before she felt her eyes grow too heavy to keep open a minute longer. The only thing she was wear of was the new feeling of her engagement ring on her finger.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hope you like! Mike Summers is totally made up and for keen spooks fans who know far more than me there may be a known name. Sorry if there is!**

The next morning Ruth woke feeling incredibly happy. As she looked over to a sleeping Harry she remembered why. He had asked again the question she had so dearly wanted him to ask. Since her first refusal she had found herself analysing her negative response and reasoning and had found it impossible to really justify any of it. Albany had taken him from her life for the first time since Cypress and only on his return did she feel there was a chance to encourage him to have another go. But no sooner had they been able to make eye contact that wasn't laced with confusion than Elena had appeared on the scene. Never had Ruth hated someone more. Elena epitomised everything she loathed. Showy and shallow with little or no heart and she couldn't bear the fact that Harry had once found this attractive. If showy was what he was after she knew she didn't stand a chance. And then Harry's attempt to protect her had only served to make her feel even more rejected by him for a Russian feme fetal. When it had become more likely that Elena wasn't all she seemed Ruth's hopes had risen that maybe Harry might see this too. And then just minutes before the stabbing had come the declaration that Harry's 30 year guilt was unfounded. Ruth had found it hard to bear hearing how he had been so emotionally blackmailed. Secretly there had been relief that Sasha had not been his son. Somewhere in her heart she longed to be able to give him a son herself. The only satisfaction had been seeing Elena's disappointment in realising that Ruth's devotion only increased at the news. And then it had all gone so wrong she thought. Well not wrong really. Just their future had been put on pause yet again. She sighed in frustration at her bedridden state. She was definitely feeling more comfortable but the chest drain and catheter were doing nothing for her feelings of desirability despite the fact that Harry clearly desired her more than ever. She lifted up her hand and figured the ring that had been placed there the evening before. She never knew she could love someone as much as she now loved Harry. Memories started returning to her interview when she had first asked for the transfer to MI5.

It had been an exciting morning filled with optimism. The panel questions had been tough but she knew she had held her own and it was clear that her competition had been less competition and more extras. They had offered her the job on the spot and after the other candidates had left she was called back in for a further chat. Mike Summers had been his name she remembered. He had warned her that her new boss was no walk in the park.

'Hard has nails' he warned 'brilliant of course but you won't get an ounce of sympathy from him. He is married to the job and he's after someone with brains who can actually make a difference.'

Ruth hadn't minded. She had not applied for the post to have a walk in the park. She wanted to push herself and she wasn't an average woman. There was no romance in her life, just work, so there were no crises that would affect her work. She wasn't out to prove anything or try to worm her way into a male dominated world. And she was confident she had more than the brains required. As a result she had hoped she would be just what the 'boss' was looking for.

'Harry Pearce is his name' continued Mike and Ruth forgot the rest of the conversation. Yes Harry Pearce was his name. In the weeks before she actually started she read a little more about him and found herself looking forward more and more to meeting him. Somewhere in her female psychy she felt drawn to the wish to melt his 'hard heart.' When she had finally met him all she managed was to look completely ridiculous. She was hugely reassured that he had seemingly given her second chance and it hadn't been long before she had been able to show him what an asset he had in her. Of course her mole activities hadn't helped either and again he seemed to see her talents as far more important. Never had she felt so valued and respected. A part of her felt she had won the first round with him. She already felt she was his favourite and this was hugely satisfying. She thought of him every waking hour, she looked forward to seeing him when away from work, his opinion of her mattered hugely to her. But in love with him? No, absolutely not. She didn't do falling in love and she certainly didn't do falling in love with the unattainable. No, Ruth wasn't in love so she hadn't needed to worry about it. Till of course Harry was shot and in the period of time between that and the news that he would live Ruth realised just how deeply in love she was. It had come as a bit of a shock. She had always been a bit dismissive of love and men in general. She was cross with herself for having started to care for someone who was far above caring for her in the same way. Not only was it common knowledge that Harry wasn't interested in relationships she was fairly sure that she wasn't his type at all. Someone who was head of security saw only the pretty women with the blond hair and the dizzy ways. And they regarded themselves as having a right to them. In fact Ruth despised these sorts of men. There was a chance Harry might be like this too, though there had never been any evidence, and if he was then blond and dizzy was something she was never going to be able to pull off. She was frustrated that she had fallen in love without meaning to and yet was going to be punished for it by the heartache of the love being unrequited.

'Penny for your thoughts' Harry's questions broke her reminiscing.

'Just remembering when I first fell in love with you' she replied smiling up at him. She didn't have the energy to even reach for him

'I like the sound of that' he said reaching the bed, sitting down and kissing her very deeply. 'So tell me all about it darling' he asked

So Ruth did in amongst such activities as Harry kissing her neck till she was nearly senseless. When she mentioned Mike summers he stopped.

'Ah yes, Mike Summers, God rest his soul' said Harry sitting up. I remember him. He was holding her hand gently. Their fingers dancing with one another.

'When did you know?' asked Ruth, rather quietly and breathlessly

'That I loved you and was going to love you for the rest of my life?' queried Harry. Ruth nodded, almost afraid to know.

He stroked her cheek. 'It was before I even met you. The evening after your interview Mike had come over. He and I had known each other since time began. No one knew me better than Mike. I remember he came into my office grinning like a cat that's got the cream.

'Well I've found the one you're looking for 'he had said teasingly. I am afraid I was tired after a long day and wasn't totally in the mood for his antics. I knew he was inferring far more than I wanted him to.

'She's perfect Harry, just what you're after, if you catch my drift, hint hint nudge nudge!'

I am afraid I was rather short with him. I hated the fact he knew me so well and I was more than a little unsettled by his assertions. 'You'll have married her by the end of the year. You won't want anyone within an inch of her'

I had looked up from the papers I was signing. 'Mike, I am after a decent analyst that's all and you know it.'

'Well she'll be able to provide you with that too. Quite a lass you know. Ruth's her name. Beautiful in an understated sort of way. And the brain she's got. You'll be one your knees begging for her to be yours. You know the kind of girl you can actually have a proper conversation with. Not fussed about her appearance either so as you might say very free from the silliness of the world.'

I interrupted him I am afraid 'look Mike I am very busy, just leave her details and I'll send them onto personnel and have her arrival organised.' He left laughing and saying 'Harry Pearce's heart is not going to be his own for much longer, you mark my words Harry'

Well of course I wasn't best pleased with being told who I was going to lose my heart to and losing my heart was certainly not part of my future plans however lonely I had become. Of course, after that, you were all I could think of. I was so determined that Mike wasnt going to be proved right that all I did was try not to think of you and look at your picture. And of course that's all I ended up doing! So by the time you dropped all your papers over the desk I was already very smitten. Your arrival just confirmed what I had been warned of. You were the most fascinating woman I had ever met. My only relief was found in the knowledge that there was no man in your life. If there had been I think I might just have had to have him taken out. Of course I knew there was no chance trying for you. You were young and so untainted by the world I had worked in for so long. And you were so very beautiful. My hope was that for as long as our lives overlapped you would remain single and I could imagine a life with you.

There was knocking at the door and the doctor came in. he did his usual check of listening to Ruth's chest.

'It hasn't improved as much as I had hoped since yesterday' he said, a little confused and asked 'feeling ok?'

'Tired' she replied 'but my side doesn't hurt as much. I do have a bit of a headache though' she added as she finally noticed that there was indeed a dull ache.

Having taken her temperature the doctors' concern grew. 'I am a little concerned Miss Evershed that you may be developing an infection. In your weakened condition that would not be good news at all. I think we'll do a blood test to see what's up. For the time being I am going to leave your chest drain in.'

He left fairly promptly to organise the blood test leaving Harry and Ruth looking at each other. Both could see the slight panic rising in each other's eyes.

'Harry I am frightened' said Ruth honestly

'Aim sure everything is going to be fine' he said trying to reassure her. In his heart though he knew she was in a very fragile state to be facing any kind of infection.

Blood tests were done and the news wasn't good. It was a nasty strain of virus which wasn't always cured by the use of antibiotics. In the hour it had taken to get the results back Ruth had deteriorated considerably. Her temperature had continued to rise and she was now drifting in and out of consciousness. The doctor drew Harry aside, fearful of how to break this to him.

'Ruth's going to have quite a rough ride. I have to be honest; if this thing takes hold she is unlikely to make it. It goes for the lungs and as you know her lungs are simply not up to any slight problem let alone a full blown virus.'

'What are the chances of it taking hold?' asked Harry, hardly knowing where the ability to speak was coming from. His life had reached perfection only hours ago and now it was threatening to tear itself apart again.

'Next24 hours are crucial' replied the doctor. 'We're giving her a huge dose of antibiotics to help her but I think you should prepare for the worst Harry.'

'Thank you for your honesty' Harry forced himself to say when really he wanted to punch the doctor for allowing Ruth to catch the infection in the first place.

'I'll leave you to break the news to her yourself' said the doctor and left Harry with a quietly breaking heart. With every ounce of strength he had he took himself back into her room. Her breathing was sounding very laboured and he could see the beads of sweat on her forehead.

'Hello darling' he said comfortingly as he took her hand and held it as tight as he dared so as not to hurt her aching skin. 'Can you hear me?' and he waited. A reassuring squeeze of his own hand followed and he felt confident she could hear him. 'Squeeze one for yes and two for no Ruth' he said.

One squeeze followed.

'Ruth, the doctor says you're going to have a pretty tough time. He's not sure you're lungs are going to be strong enough to see this bug off' tears were beginning to fall down his cheeks. 'He said we should prepare for the worst.'

Her eyes were shut but tears escaped and ran down her cheeks.

'I am going to stay by your side darling; you don't need to be scared.' He stared at her, still stunned that events had taken such a sudden turn of events. 'Is there anything I can do for you or sort out for you?' he asked.

The words struggled out 'we should get married' she whispered 'while I can still talk. I don't want to leave you having not married you, having not been yours, even if it is only for a few hours.'

He nodded, his voice too strained for many words. 'I'll see what I can do darling' he whispered and reluctantly left her side to see if a hastily arranged wedding could take place in order that Ruth and his heart could at least have a few moments of belonging to one another.


	14. Chapter 14

He made is way down to the chapel of repose to see if there was a priest there. He knocked at the door and found tears were flowing freely. He was losing her all over again. At least this second time had meant that many things had been said that he would have regretted had she died by that estuary. These last few days with her, kissing her, telling her of his love for her, putting plans in place for their future would always be precious and he tried to be glad to have at least been given the chance to have them.

The door opened.

'Father, please help me' were his opening words and seeing the distress Harry was in, the priest beckoned him in.

'My fiancé is upstairs and is unlikely to survive the night. Please could you come and marry us. She wants very much for us to be married and I do too. But I don't have ring or anything.' He added

'Of course, I'll come right away' and picking up a few things he and Harry walked back to Ruth's bedside. Harry held a vague hope that maybe her condition may have improved on his return but he was too disappointed. She was conscious but her breathing was shallow and laboured. They had put an oxygen mask on her to help her breathing but it seemed to be doing little to improve matters. Her eyes were full of discomfort and panic but were relieved somewhat when Harry returned and she saw the priest. He said kindly

'I hear you want to marry this man'

She nodded and mouthed the word 'yes'

'Well then' he said calmly, trying to give these two people a little less to worry about 'if there is no ring I don't see why the engagement ring can't be used'

'I am not sure I can say all the words' whispered Ruth and there delivery was evidence enough of the unlikelihood that she would. She held tight to Harry's hand who was overwhelmed that this woman who he loved so dearly was so desperate to be married to him but at the same time was facing death and he would lose her once and for all.

'Not to worry my dear' said the priest 'the sentiment is there and I am sure you can mouth some of the words.' He slipped Ruth's ring off her finger and handed it to Harry. 'Please can you tell me both your full names?' And he passed Harry a piece of paper and a pen.

He leant on his knee and wrote them down. Seeing the ring he remembered that only last night he had placed it on her finger and there had been so much happiness in the room. No one to disturb them, just the two of them discovering just how wonderful it was to finally be a couple having only dreamt of it up until then. Now he was re-placing the ring in marriage in order to give Ruth her last request.

The priest sensing that time might not be on their side coughed lightly to bring Harry back from this nightmare.

'Join your right hands, and make your consent before God. Henry James Pearce, do you take Ruth Evershed for your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?'

Harry's eyes never left hers as he said 'I do.'

And turning to Ruth the priest began 'and Ruth Evershed, do you take Henry James Pearce for your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?

'I do.' She whispered

The priest continued "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder'

And then giving the ring to Harry he said 'repeat after me I Henry James Pearce give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.' And with that Harry placed the ring on Ruth's finger.

Seeing the predicament they were in the priest quietly left. If he was able he knew Harry would kiss his bride without needing to be told to.

They remained as they were for a few minutes before Ruth slipped out of consciousness again. Harry clung to her hand still. 'Please don't leave me Ruth' he begged 'please just keep fighting. You can't leave me, not now darling. Please Ruth, for me.' And he began sobbing uncontrollably

The doctor came in a while later and checked on Ruth and listened to her chest. Harry held his breath for a sign of improvement but alas the doctor shook his head.

'No improvement Sir I am afraid.'

'Is she in any pain?' Harry asked

'No she won't be any pain. We have given her some painkillers anyway so that she doesn't suffer too much. I am so so sorry about all this Sir. I wish this hadn't happened. She was getting on so well. Another day or two and she would have had a fighting chance. But I think she is just too worn down to manage to hold her own' and he left the room.

Feeling suddenly rather selfish Harry said to her 'Darling, don't keep fighting on my account. You have had to put up with so much because of me. If you just want to slip away I'll understand. I don't want to see you suffering. Call it a day if you need to Ruth. I'll join you one day I promise. I can't wait for that day darling when there will be no more tears and nothing to keep us apart. I am going to be right here if you want to let go. You don't need to be afraid.' He stroked her hand gently and looked down at the ring he had chosen for her so long ago that was now symbolising their marriage. The tears were unstoppable until there were no more to shed and extreme tiredness followed. Feeling himself slipping further into sleep he whispered 'farewell darling, don't worry if you want to slip away while I am asleep. Maybe better all round that I can't keep my eyes open any longer.' He lent forward and kissed her cheek just like he had at the estuary not so long ago. And with that he rested his head on the bed, her hand still held tightly in his own.

**Sorry! Don't quite know what has come over me! Hadn't initially planned this. **


	15. Chapter 15

The night wore on slowly. Every hour or so doctors would pop in to monitor Ruth. Harry was so shattered that he didn't even stir. Didn't even notice the tentative hope in doctors as hour after hour Ruth remained alive. Her lungs still sounded bad but her temperature was being brought under control. Seeing the fight Ruth was putting up the doctors decided to give her another dose of antibiotics. They decided not to wake the man that had so recently become her husband in case they were in fact giving him false hope.

But a few hours later Ruth was still breathing. While it still sounded bad, the doctor felt, on listening to her chest that a slight improvement was being made. There seemed to be less fluid around the damaged area from the stab wound. He made a decision.

'I am going to take her up for a scan' he explained to the nurse on duty 'see if perhaps we can do a better job at draining the fluid she has there. While we there we can see how the other injuries in her stomach are healing. She may in fact have made more progress than we thought, hence the fact she's still with us.'

'And what about the man?' the nurse asked.

''he has a bed over there. Put him in it. There isn't anything else he can do for the moment.'

The nurse walked over to the sleeping form of Harry slumped over Ruth's bed. 'Sir, it's time to move.' She said shaking his shoulder. 'They are taking her up stairs.'

Harry vaguely woke and in the dimly lit room he could see they wanted him to move away from Ruth. So the angels had finally taken her as he had always dreaded they would. He nodded dumbly at the nurse and made his way over to his bed, and lay down on his side facing away from Ruth's bed as it was wheeled out of the room.

Upstairs she was scanned immediately. Her left lung did indeed have a large amount of fluid that was being made worse by the stab wound. The doctor also took a close look at the stomach area were the entry to the stab wound began. The muscle wall had healed well. Far better than he would have expected. The internal organs that had been affected by the track the blade of glass had traced were slightly less recovered but again the scars looked healthy and free from any infection. The surgeon was called to be asked if he felt Ruth was strong enough to undergo an operation to move the chest drain into a better position. It was the same surgeon who had operated on her when she had first been taken off the helicopter. He took a close look at all the areas damaged by the stabbing. He quietly felt very pleased with his work.

'How is her blood pressure?' he asked

'Normal' was the reply

'And her temperature?'

'Back to normal but I suppose there is a danger it could spike again. Mind you she has just had another round of antibiotics so that should help to keep it down.'

The surgeon began 'my main worry is her general weakness. She lost a massive amount of blood less than a week ago and underwent serious abdominal surgery.'

'Agreed' said the doctor 'but it wouldn't take long to move the drain and there should be no blood loss involved. Getting that fluid off might also ensure her survival. She's survived this long with the infection I think we owe her that opportunity of help.'

This reminded the surgeon of the operation he had performed on her not long ago and explaining to Harry at the time that many surgeons would have given up on her in the early stages of her arrival. Was he now going to go back on his sentiments?

'You're right.' He said firmly 'let's do this'

Ruth was indeed operated on again and the chest drain was successfully repositioned. Harry, unaware of the goings on stayed sleeping fitfully downstairs. In his exhausted state he had been vaguely aware of Ruth being taken away but he had had no fight left in him to do anything about it. His heart was exhausted and broken beyond help. But upstairs Ruth hung on to life. She had a life to hang onto after all. She was a wife and a wife to the one man she had longed to be a wife to. That in itself was worth fighting for.

'You're not making life easy for yourself' said the doctor kindly as she gradually came round in one of the rooms near theatre.

'Where am I? She asked

'You've recently been in theatre again Ruth. We've altered the position of the chest drain and managed to take a lot of the fluid off that was making it so hard for you to fight off this infection.'

'I see' said Ruth quietly 'where's Harry?' she asked

'He's down stairs sleeping' was the reply. Ruth was glad. She knew this second scare was really going to have taken it out of him. On the other hand she longed to see him. She was his wife now after all.

The doctor continued 'seems your strict bed rest has paid dividends Ruth. You are easily healed enough to be able to move about a bit now. Well maybe tomorrow. I am sure today you're going to feel like you've been hit by a truck!'

'All things considered I don't feel too bad actually' she said smiling

'Well we'll be taking you back down to harry soon' he said and left the room. She lay there for a while playing with the ring on her finger. She loved it twice as much now that it held its double meaning.

When Harry woke he found the room empty with Ruth's bed no longer there. He felt so utterly exhausted by the emotional rollercoaster he had been on in the last week he didn't have the strength to go and find out where they had taken her body. He felt completely numb to the whole situation. He remained seated on the side of his bed, head in his hands, hating the fact he had so little energy to find anything out. Memories of their marriage came back to him. So brief and low key and yet holding more meaning than could be imagined. He looked up slowly as the door opened and was then held open by the nurse. In a moment a bed was wheeled in. he didn't have a chance to make sense of anything before he could see Ruth, eyes open and clearly alive.

'Ruth' he whispered, rushing to her side. She held out her hand to him and let him kiss it repeatedly. After making sure she was comfortable the nurses melted away sensing that their presence was really not required. Ruth saw the tears streaming down Harry's face once more and reached for him.

'Harry, darling, it's all ok. They said I am past the worst.' Then pushing him away slightly so as she could look into his eyes she continued 'I've made it, everything is going to be fine.' Harry moved to hold onto her again and they remained there for some time while Harry's emotions calmed down. Eventually she nudged him 'Harry? Am I right in thinking we got married last night?'

'Yes, we did' he replied, slightly nervous that she might now be regretting having rushed it so much.

'And am I right in thinking that you have yet to kiss your bride?'

Harry's face beamed and for the next half an hour he was very thorough in complying with Ruth's request.

Over the next few days Ruth's strength returned and soon she was allowed to get out of bed and move about. Although it was painful at times she was hugely relieved to be finally mobile. It was also lovely to be able to have a stand up hug with Harry. Their bodies slotted so well together and she loved the way his hands held onto her waist and pulled her close when he kissed her. He on the other hand was overwhelmed by how small and fragile she felt in his arms. On one of the days Harry had left her to acquire some proper wedding rings. He had been a long time. A lot longer than Ruth thought was necessary given the mission he had been on. She had been very good on his return though and not questioned him on the matter. He was clearly content with his own little secrets. The way he had kissed her left her confident there was no other woman in his life. If this marriage was going to work she knew there would need to be an amount of trust between the two of them. That evening they had exchanged the rings in her room when they felt sure that there would no interruptions from the medical staff. Afterwards they had had kissed for a long time, still revelling in each other's touch. The bed had been just wide enough for Harry lie beside her and with her increased mobility she had been able to turn towards him. It was like this that they spent the night. Safe in each other's arms.

The following day she began some physio on her injured side. This too was not very comfortable but she understood it to be necessary for the regaining of strength in her damaged muscles. With everyday her confidence was growing. A kind nurse had helped her have her first bath since the accident. The doctors had finally given her the go ahead to allow the wounds to get wet. She wasn't allowed long in the bath, but it was long enough to shave her legs and finally feel clean again. Spending time in Harry's arms had never felt nicer now that she didn't feel so grimy. If fact very close to Harry was most uppermost in her mind.

The estate agents with whom Ruth had placed her flat called the following day. An offer had been placed by someone who had requested a viewing the previous day and they were keen to know if she would accept. The people were after a quick exchange and since Ruth was now even keener to rid herself of the memories of such a lonely empty life she readily accepted. She wanted to begin her new married life as soon as she was released from hospital.

'You don't mind doing some of the sorting out do you Harry?' she asked

'Of course not' he was pleased that she was making sure their lives were now fully entwined with one another. 'I'll need to make sure that my place is all ready for you when you leave the hospital.' She kissed him soundly. He adored that she did so without any reserve. 'I want to leave this place now' she said frustrated.

'I know darling' he soothed, kissing her hair 'but you need to be well enough for your hopeless husband to be able to look after you and not make you worse' he said trying to lighten her mood.

She smiled 'I don't think you would get anything wrong looking after me' she said.

Separately they both pleaded with the doctors that she could be allowed home by Christmas. They were a little negative about her chances.

'But why, I am doing so well. Even you have said it yourself.' Persisted Ruth. Christmas had been a time of year she had always dreaded as it only drove the feelings of loneliness and her inability to have a relationship deeper. Now she was married and desperate to start living with Harry, to share life's little happenings with Harry. And the sooner she was fully recovered the sooner they could go house hunting together. On top of that she wanted him all to herself over Christmas, just him, Fidget, Scarlet, good food and wine, Christmas tree, bit of snow on the ground and large double bed where she could get to know him better, or at least as well as the pain in her side would allow. Surely this doctor could understand. But it seemed he didn't.

Harry shared her sentiments although he was concerned that the doctors feared a relapse might occur again. He knew they would not release her unless they were fully happy about her progress. He tried to remain calm and at least try to look forward to next Christmas when they would indeed be able to be together. He wasn't keen on the idea of sharing her with guests, well not for a good few years anyway. He had had to 'share her' as a work colleague for far too long to put up with anyone trying to barge their way into this marriage and suggesting they should both socialise more. He felt bad he wasn't being more supportive to Ruth over her attempts to get home. The reason was the completion on Ruth's flat was taking up a lot of time as well as sorting out her furniture. Some she wanted kept and transferred to be with them and the rest she was happy to see go. He had in turn begun adjusting his own furniture to incorporate hers. When they discussed the living arrangements he remained a little vague. A few seeds of doubt were planted in Ruth's head. What if he simply wasn't up to sharing a house with someone, let alone a woman who would turn his ordered space into a lived in home. Again, she forced herself to trust him and them. Sure it may take him time to fit their lives together but she would help and support all she could. She would be patient and understanding and not panic too much if things weren't in place from the moment she arrived. As long as his bed was more comfortable than hers that was all that mattered. He had smiled when she told him this, pleased at the prospect of that empty space he had lain next to all these years being filled by her.

A few days later Ruth tried again to set a date for her departure, this time with a different doctor who looked a little more able to think outside the box. She wasn't going to give up on this without a fight. Home in time for Christmas. That was the deal on the table and she was almost happy to sell her soul to the devil to attain it. Seeing the desperation and the likelihood she might just discharge herself anyway the doctor put forward some of his reasons for keeping her in the hospital.

'The reason we are hanging onto you is that your wounds need regular dressings and daily physio. Over Christmas time especially we can't provide that sort of care in the home. Without it your recovery is going to be significantly slowed and if infection sets in then you might find yourself back to square one again.' He and Ruth looked at each other. It was clear she was expecting a solution from him. If he didn't come up with one then he might wish he had never been born.

**Sorry for massive long wait for this chapter. I think there is one more to go and I will try to finish it soon. Thanks so much for all you kind reviews. Glad you like the same dream world that I have lived in since that awful moment when it all went so wrong!**

**Xxx**

**Reviews make me smile!**


	16. Chapter 16

'well' he said slowly, trying to buy sometime, and to his relief was saved by the knock at the door and Ruth's physio coming in. she was a cheery young woman with bags full of common sense and not a lot of time for doctors who thought they knew it all.

'How's my Ruth today then?' she asked cheerily

'trying to get an idea of when I am going to be allowed back home' huffed Ruth 'seems the only place where I can keep getting better is here.'

'I've tried to explain that the physio and daily dressing of her wounds is essential to her recovery.' Began the doctor and was quickly interrupted

'there is always a way round these things' said the physio 'can't see why that young man of yours can't learn the basics of the massages I give you and how to change a dressing. From what I've seen of him he appears to have a few brain cells to rub together. I am sure he could manage it'

The doctor was about to protest and say this was against hospital practise when he was again cut off

'tell you what, I'll give Harry some lessons, and a few days of him having a go himself and if no harm has come to anyone then I really don't think there need be an issue with your discharge in time for Christmas.'

'Well you'll have to sign a piece of paper stating you know the risks' said the doctor

'Don't worry; I am well practised at it. My life has been one long signing of papers saying I understand and accept the risks' said Ruth sarcastically and the doctor could see it was pointless trying to talk to these two women a moment longer.

That Physio session was longer than normal. Harry had turned up not long after the doctor had left having been seeing to more house sale demands. He was a little apprehensive at the suggestion put to him by Ruth but seeing that so much depended on it for her he agreed to have a go. The physio could see he was worried and tried to ease his concerns.

'With the dressings you need to make sure they are placed as tight to the skin as possible. The area around the wound doesn't hurt too much so don't be afraid to be purposeful about it. When taking the dressing off you might want to do this in the bath so that it doesn't hurt too much.' Harry had watched her demonstrate. In the days past, when they had lain on the bed together, he had touched her underneath her top. Both had been very pleased at the boundary that they had crossed in doing so. Ruth had in turn untucked his shirt and let her hands roam all over his chest and back. So it wasn't the thought of touching her that overwhelmed him, it was more that it was so important that he get it right. Ruth was clearly relying on him as her ticket out of there. He was relying on him too to get her out of there. However another week would do no harm from his point of view so he asked that he just watch really closely for the first few days before he have a go himself.

That evening as they lay together on her bed, Ruth's hand wandering lovingly all over his chest, he said 'I do hope I can master the physio for you darling.'

Her hands continued their journey up and behind his neck and ran through his hair before pulling him close for a kiss. It lasted a long time and when eventually she felt she ought to be responding to his words she drew back and said 'you are going to be fine Harry. Tell you what, you could have a practise now if you like' and taking one if hands in hers she placed it on her left hand side and he began to massage her just as the physio had shown him.

'How much does it hurt?' he asked anxiously, knowing it was bound to be hurting on some level.

'It's ok' she sighed, thinking it was pointless covering up the discomfort from a man of Harry's intellect 'everyday it hurts a bit less.'

While it did hurt a bit it was glorious having his strong loving hands massage healing into her body. It was as nothing to put up with the pain if it meant she could get home, their home for Christmas, and he could massage her in their room, on their bed. Yes it was all very much worthwhile.

She had pretty much drifted off by the time he stopped. 'goodnight sweetheart' he whispered, kissing her lips gently before making his way over to the z bed that had been his place of rest for near on a month now. While a number of his days had been spent away from her he had always returned for the nights. His kindly neighbour seemed content enough looking after scarlet and Fidget, and his house, he didn't suppose, minded being abandoned. It had after all only ever been a structure to live in. it had never been a home that might now be missing his company.

He looked over at her as she slept; pleased that so far he hadn't made her condition worse. Touching her was as magic as he had always suspected it would be and being able to care for her, for her to allow him to care for her and put all her trust in him made his eyes fill with tears of happiness. His future plans, he hoped, would in some way go to show her how eternally grateful he was to her for loving him back.

The next week passed slowly for Ruth. She had put it place a vague plan for meeting up with everyone at The George on their way home which she had been told could be Friday assuming Harry passed all his requirements. She was fairly confident he would. His massages were getting better and since her pain was lessening it would be hard for them to argue he was making her worse. She had insisted he didn't take the dressings off in the bath.

'That moment' she explained later 'is for when we are together at your house. I am not having the first time you see me totally naked to be in some wretched NHS bath.' He had kissed her very deeply at the mere thought of all the wonderful moments they were yet to share.

And before she knew it, Friday morning, the day of reckoning came. The original surgeon had come to give the final verdict having ordered a last scan to make sure that nothing was missed.

'Good news Ruth' he said coming in as she grabbed for Harry's hand. Progress is continuing well enough and your husband's efforts are more than adequate enough for you to be heading home in time for Christmas!'

Ruth was speechless but beaming.

'Pleased?' asked the surgeon

'Very' she nodded and holding out her hands to him 'thank you so much for everything'

'I would stay a chat but emergencies are piling up so I'll wish you a happy Christmas and New Year to you two'

Harry followed him out. 'Anything else I should know or do to keep her recovery on track?'

'Relax Harry' said the surgeon 'between the two of you she'll be back to normal in no time. Just make sure that she gets plenty of rest, good food, a little fresh air, laughter… oh and plenty of love' he added winking and strode away to the next patient that awaited his skills.

When Harry came back in Ruth was her phone finalising the plan to meet in the George. To her Harry seemed a little nervous about the idea and the fact that timings were being taken out of his control. He made an excuse that he needed to move his car closer to main door so that Ruth didn't have so far to walk.

So keen was she to leave and begin her new life that she managed to put aside the fears that his behaviour might otherwise have caused.

They drove in near silence and she wondered if he was suddenly embarrassed to be with her, just the two of them. She looked across and he seemed to be deep in thought.

'Darling do you mind if we drop by home on the way there. I wouldn't mind changing before we get to The George' he said

'Not at all' she said slightly surprised. Harry had never been much of a man to care about such things. 'Be nice to see my new home'

He smiled rather weakly.

Ruth tried to remain calm. Had marrying Harry been the worst mistake of her life. Done in a moment of panic that her life was about to end. Had the great love of her life turned into nothing but a rather distant man?

He parked the car in the driveway and came round to Ruth's side to help her out. Opening up the front door he said in rather a rushed way. 'Make yourself at home. I won't be five minutes' and he dashed up the stairs. As romantic entrances to a new home this was pretty pants she thought.

Looking around didn't help much either. While tastefully decorated and up together it was clear the house hadn't been lived in for a while. She knew this was the case but on some of his mysterious absences she had hoped he had been busy making a nest for her to recover in. Everywhere felt slightly cold and damp as if the heating hadn't been on in weeks. Not that she had ever gone in for Christmas decorations, she had in the endless time she had spent lying around getting better had begun to imagine their house with a few tasteful decorations, a nice real tree with pretty white lights, a log fire, and thick rug that could one day be made love on. That sort of thing. Disappointment rose quickly as this was clearly not going to be the sort of Christmas they were going to have. Maybe she should have stayed in hospital after all. She heard him descend the stairs and made a super human effort to keep the tears at bay.

'All ready?' he asked lightly, not even bothering to show her around or apologise for the unhomely atmosphere. And seeing the quizzical look at the bag over his shoulder 'oh just some paperwork and things for Malcolm now I no longer have a job!'

He put his arm round her shoulder and led her out of the door. 'Let's get this over and done with. Much as I love them all dearly, I am not keen on sharing you around. You know better than most what gossips they can be'

He helped her gently back into the car and suddenly he seemed his old self again, relaxed and quite happy to be rude about those he cared most about.

Confidence rising again she placed her hand on his thigh. 'Once I am fully fit Harry, may I tinker around with the house a bit? You know' she continued uncertainly 'make it into the home.'

He looked across 'of course you can darling' he said smiling 'I know whatever you do with our home will be perfect. You don't need to ask you know'

'Thanks' she replied. Looking out of the window at the street lights and Christmas shoppers passing by she was content that she would be able to make a home for him. It didn't altogether stop the slight disappointment that he hadn't had the foresight to at least make a start. At least have a little tree to welcome her. Still, maybe that was the reality of falling in love with a man. They were only capable of men things and like it or not when it came to female things she did have the better qualifications.

'Looking forward to seeing everyone?' he asked

She nodded

'Not embarrassed to be seen to have married the boss?' he asked slightly teasingly

She looked at him and whispered 'I've grown up a lot since then' and squeezed his hand tight and the shear relief that she been given a second chance to start afresh with the one man whom she cared so much about.

**Actually there is still one more to go! As Miranda's friend would say 'bear with.'!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Not sure if this is going to be the last chapter. The end seems so near in my head but I keep seeming to pad it out a bit and never get there! You may be thinking the same thing too! Well if this is the end then thanks for being so kind about my first ever fic and all your reviews! I have really enjoyed it all**

**Xxxxx**

**Ps hope Harry and Ruth have too!**

They arrived at the George in good time despite the unscheduled drop off. Everyone was waiting by the door to welcome them. It was at this point that Ruth finally realised how much they cared about her and how genuinely thrilled they were at her and Harry being finally a couple for the entire world to see. She revelled in walking towards them on Harry's arm and she could sense that he too was overcome with pride that he had successfully got his girl. A few wolf whistles were heard but they were kindly meant and Ruth found them actually quite sexy. She looked up at her Harry. Yes she thought I have made quite a catch! Dad would be bold over that I now have a title and mum would be green with envy. Job done!

They stayed at the George far longer than either had planned. Knowing that for security reasons this would be the last meeting with many of their friends from the Grid, made it important to make the effort and not just dash back home to be with one another. Malcolm arrived too and hugged Ruth warmly 'so so many congratulations my dear' he said and then shook Harry warmly by the hand 'you take care of her you hear me!' the two men exchanged rather knowing glances at one another that was not lost on Ruth. Taking Malcolm aside she said 'you will come and visit us in the New Year won't you. You are about the only person we are allowed to still have contact with.'

'I'd love to Ruth. I am so pleased you made it. When I last saw the great man himself he was in quite a state. If you hadn't lived I don't think he would have been far behind you' he said seriously 'I am sorry for my comments all those years ago which gave you cold feet over him.'

Ruth placed a hand on his arm 'it wasn't your fault Malcolm. I am not sure either of us would have been able to make a relationship work while we still worked for MI5. I think if anything you saved us. What we have now is not under threat. We can just be us and enjoy just being us'

'it says a lot about the pair of you that you still know who you both are and are grounded enough to make it work' said Malcolm

'She's off Limits Malcolm' said Harry laughing as he came up to them 'Ruth shall we heading off?'

'I think that would be a good idea Harry' she said 'I am suddenly so tired and more than a little uncomfortable. I think I might take some of the painkillers they gave me.' She removed the packet from her bag 'fantastic things you know Malcolm.' She said 'mind you they make me so sleepy and seeing the volume of alcohol Sir Harry has downed I am not sure I shouldn't be driving us home!'

Hearing her comment Harry explained 'all in hand Miss Ruth, Mike my former driver has offered to drive us back. Sort of wedding present and to make up for his big mouth!'

They gave each other a knowing look, both saying a silent sorry for all the wasted years and things left unsaid.

It wasn't long before all the goodbyes were said and plans had been put in place for Malcolm to visit in the New Year. The large car drove off smoothly and Ruth leant against Harry's shoulder as he put his arm round her. Mike looked back at them in silence. He felt he could finally forgive himself for letting slip the date that they had once shared. Then, he had been so pleased that is boss had found such a nice young lady to date that he couldn't help but spill the beans. Afterwards, when it became apparent that he was never going to drive Ruth back to her flat like he had that one time, he regretted his loose tongue. He was unsure if Harry ever knew it was his fault that his girl had bolted from the offer of romance. He had a sneaking suspicion that Harry did know. But never once had harry chided him for it. What dignity, Mike thought as he saw them together, finally at peace with each other; Ruth curled up on the large seat, fast asleep next to her knight.

Harry looked out of the window as the London lights and bustle began to fade as they headed out into the country. He was hugely grateful for the effect the painkillers were having on her. He didn't imagine there would be many other times in their lives together when he would be grateful for the fact she hadn't got a clue what was going on. It saved a lot of questions and meant there was a chance his little secret could be revealed at just the right time. For the first time in his life the car following them didn't bother him. It was just Malcolm travelling in convoy so that he could give Mike a lift home. The kind offers of help in the guise of wedding presents had meant everything to Harry.

Ruth stirred a couple of times as they drove on into the night. Snow was beginning to fall and Harry reached back for the blanket and placed it over her shoulders. The last thing he wanted was her catching any sort of cold. A good while later Mike pulled off the main road onto much more winding ones. Harry held his breath. Would clever old Ruth notice? As the minutes ticked by and she remained heavy against his side he breathed a sigh of relief. He chuckled to himself. Perhaps this was going to be the one drawback to their marriage. Springing surprises on one another were going to be such hard work. Still it might keep them active in their old age. They drove on through villages and Harry turned his attention to learning the names of the places that were to become his area.

Eventually Mike turned into a very narrow road and crept up until he was outside the little house that Harry had begun to know so well. From the moment he had seen the details of it on Ruth's kitchen table that night of the accident he had made up his mind to buy it. And it had been blissfully easy really. With enough cash in the bank and a falling market he had been able to put an offer in the next day and secure it. There had been moments when he had so nearly told her, especially when she had first discovered that it had been sold. But he was keen to have her rest and not fret or plan herself into ill health. And the longer he had kept it from her the more he wanted to surprise her when she finally left hospital. She had been awful good not asking questions even though he could see she was dying to know what he was up to.

Bit by bit he had had some of her furniture and his transferred. The elderly neighbour had seemed thrilled at the prospect of a titled and intellectual couple moving in and had offered all the help she could with preparing for their arrival. Of course there were a lot of favours that Harry had called in too and now he was finally here again, this time with his bride and knowing that a cosy warm home awaited her. His heart had almost broken for her when they had dropped in on his old home that was now on the market. Having had her discharge from hospital come a little earlier than expected he had needed to drop by for a few last bits of paperwork. She had seemed content enough with his explanation at the time but he had also seen the deep sadness at not seeing a proper welcoming home. His only consolation was that there was one waiting for her, just somewhere else. A home that was all ready for Christmas, that had a larder packed with all they would need over the festive period, that had fidget and scarlet waiting for them, that had a nice log fire all ready to be lit, a nice big bath and his large bed all ready for them to enjoy.

Mike parked the car and having said goodnight to Harry and shaken him warmly by the hand headed over to Malcolm's waiting car and Harry watched as the red lights disappeared into the falling snow. He checked his pocket for the key. The lights had been left on just as he had requested. He took a deep breath. This was it. Their new home. Had he been too presumptive in thinking that she would want this? Would she have wanted more input? Well at least he hadn't made any major changes to the house. Once she was better she could alter things as she liked. All he really cared about was having her living in this house with him for the rest of his life.

'Ruth' he nudged her gently and she sighed slightly 'we're home' he continued, fighting back the tears of that little statement. 'Ruth' he nudged her again, suddenly keen to show her all he had been up to 'we're home darling' he said again, loving being able to say that to her.

'Sorry harry' she mumbled, coming awake 'I am sorry. Those painkillers have such an effect on me. Feels like I have been asleep for ages.'

He smiled at her, though she couldn't really see in the darkness of the car 'you have been asleep for ages Ruth'

'You could have woken me Harry, I wouldn't have minded. Have you sat here with me all this time getting cold? Oh wow it's snowing!' she finished as she began to take in a little more of her surroundings.

'Let's get you inside before you catch a chill Ruth 'he said opening the car door and a blast of icy snow air came rushing in. Ruth's heart sank. The house had been cold enough a few hours ago but now with no heating it must be perishing. All she could think about was getting to bed as soon as possible and holding tight to Harry in an attempt to keep warm. He came round to her side and helped her out. It was then that she began to register that this was not Harry's house. There was gravel, well snow covered gravel under her feet and Harry's drive was tarmac. The gravel memory she had was of the day she had seen this little house that had looked so perfect on Rightmove. Things suddenly began to click fast just as they had done for all those years on the Grid that had made her Harry's finest and best. He was overjoyed to see the old Ruth back in action as her head came up and her eyes took in what they had already worked out would be there.

'Oh Harry' she choked on her tears.

Harry put an arm round her waist and lifted her up into his arms. 'Inside for you lady Pearce' he said 'I don't want a sob fest out here and you catching your death. Might make the neighbours talk!' and he carried her into their little home.

All she could do was sob into his neck 'you darling man, thank you so much.'

She didn't need to ask the hows and whens. There would be time enough for that during the hours she planned to spend in bed with him. 'Is this really ours?' she asked as he put her down in the kitchen. He pulled her into his arms 'it's all ours' he replied 'hope you don't mind' he added

'It's perfect' she kept saying as she saw more and more of her things. She was so busy taking in the log fire which Harry was now bending down to light that she didn't initially notice Fidget weaving in and out of her legs.

'hello little man' she said looking down at him 'have you been part of all this too?' and she looked round again, this time seeing the little tree and the Christmas cards that he must have gathered from both their houses and had put up.

Food?' he asked

'Please' she replied beginning to be surprised at nothing this man had organised.

'Be about half an hour. You want to look round? I am afraid the second bedroom in just crammed with stuff. There was only so much I could sort out, or rather get others to sort out!'

'Harry it's perfect' she said again and wrapped her arms round his neck, loving the sensation of his arms wrapping her close to him and resting her head on his shoulder she sighed happily 'gosh we deserve this'

He took their bags upstairs and she followed him slowly up.

'You shouldn't be coming up the stairs when you're about to go back down again young lady' he said rather crossly since she really was under strict orders to keep exercise to a minimum.

'Sorry harry' she said 'just this once' and seeing the bed in their room she said 'I am so glad you got rid of mine. It was nearly as bad as those hospital beds!'

Being at last in their own bedroom with the large bed looking so inviting, they were both overcome with nerves and embarrassment. However, if the last month or so had done anything, it had helped them learn how to deal with it. They fell into each other's arms and laughed.

'First things first. Let's eat' said Harry and taking her hand led her down stairs. He gently took her coat off knowing that the movement would hurt and bade her sit at the kitchen table. She ran her hand over the familiar wood. 'I love you Harry Pearce' she said looking up at him as he handed her a cup of tea 'Hot and sweet, just like the lady who is about to drink it' he kissed her lips 'and who I love too!'

Over supper they chatted about this and that. Harry insisted on doing the washing up while Ruth rested on the sofa beside the fire. She dimmed the lights and watched the falling snow outside relishing in the happiness that was being offered her and that she now found so easy to accept.

Without a word spoken they then both made their way upstairs. On the mundane front they knew dressings had to be changed, on the less mundane front they were about to spend their first proper night together. And he was going to help her take the dressings off in the bath. The thought thrilled her as she slowly with his help undressed as the warm water filled the bath. He lit some candles and drew the curtains in an attempt to lessen the cold sensation that the falling snow seemed to induce. Once she was fully unclothed he helped her into the bath. The warm water was wonderful as she lay back and looked at him. With a sponge he carefully poured water over her shoulders. Then he gently removed the dressings, careful not to tear her skin. With the scar now revealed the clock was ticking. She shouldn't stay there too long he knew however delightful it was to see her like this.

'Is the scar very awful?' she asked

'Hand on heart Ruth, I am a man and there are other things to be looking at. Besides, I love every part of you'

She smiled at him 'it may sound ridiculous but I rather love my scar. It is the constant reminder of the moment when things started going right between us'. His smile widened at this.

'Not dissimilar thoughts have passed my mind too.' He said relieved that loving her scar for all it represented was something that was clearly not going to freak her out.

Seeing him gaze at her every curve and feature she reached her hand out and said 'I am so sorry Harry that we can't… you know… just yet…'

He put his finger to her lips. 'Do you really think you need to apologise Ruth, because if you do then you don't know me. It'll happen when your body is ready. I don't ever want to be the man responsible for hurting you Ruth. Making love to you is going to be bloody wonderful, but I've waited nine years for this. I can more than wait a bit longer.'

'You might be able to Harry but I am not sure I can!' she said smiling

It wasn't long before he was ushering her out of the bath. He dried her gently and she put on a fresh bra and kickers. He looked at her trying to work out which he preferred, her with them on or not. They decided sitting on the bed was the best height for him to apply the new dressing. Once done he lifted her legs gently into bed and pulled the duvet up around her. Then stripping down to his boxer shorts he slipped in beside her. She snuggled in close and it was mere minutes before they were both fast asleep.

She woke the next morning feeling indescribably happy. Turning she saw that Harry's side of the bed was empty. She strained her ears to see if she could hear him pottering downstairs. There wasn't a sound. She would have just started to panic if she hadn't then heard the front door open and shut and the distinctive noise of paws on the floor. It wasn't long before she heard his footsteps on the stairs.

'Good morning darling' he said sitting on the bed and leaning down for a kiss.

As they drew apart she said 'gosh you're cold'

'Well there is a good foot of snow out there' he explained 'scarlet and I went along to the village shop to get some milk and a bit more bread. I think everyone is agog to know who we are and where we come from! Seems the title thing has got round too. We've been invited to candle lit midnight mass tonight, want to go?' he asked

'Oh that sounds lovely' Ruth said

Harry made her breakfast in bed before an hour long massage during which time there was also a lot of making out with one another. They eventually prised themselves out of bed and took a very short and gentle stroll down the lane and back. In the afternoon they sat in front of a film with fidget and scarlet and a roaring log fire before an early super and bed. The alarm went off at eleven and they dressed and drove the short distance to the chapel for midnight mass. The candle light and carols were such a perfect way of welcoming in Christmas. Afterwards there was an informal gathering and Ruth and Harry found themselves the centre of attention being so new to the parish.

'Don't suppose you sing?' asked the choir master eagerly 'we're in desperate need of sopranos'

'I do indeed' Ruth replied 'give me a month or so to settle into the neighbourhood and I'll happily come along.'

By the time they made the short journey home they had been invited to every gathering under the sun.

'I am not sure I fancy going to every one of them but a few might be nice' said Harry

'A very few' said Ruth 'all I want to do is spend my time in bed with you!' she added blushing and laughing

'Well you'll have no complaints from me sweetheart' he said 'happy Christmas by the way darling' and he leant over to kiss her

'Happy Christmas Harry' she replied

That night, having been lovingly bathed and wounds redressed, Ruth found herself no longer in enough pain to curtail the passion that she felt for her dear husband. That Christmas night, in the quiet darkness of their Suffolk cottage, whilst the snow began falling again, they made love to each other for the first time. It was slow and tender and everything they had both dreamed it would be. It put an emphatic seal on their union. It had taken a long time of heartache to get here but as they both drifted off to sleep in each other's arms they felt it had served its purpose. It had helped them see the value of what they had together. As a result they would treasure each other far more than they might have, treasure too their marriage and the love they shared. Their dignity and mutual respect for one another would serve as an example to all who came into contact with them. Slowly but surely they might let the world into the peripheries of their life together, hobbies and occupations would be found, local activities joined, but for now the world could entertain itself.

**That is me finally finished with my alternative ending to series 10! I know I am satisfied, hope you are too!**

**xxx**


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